sleep deprived, breast pump driven, wanting desperately to make life normal for Christian, but not sure how to do so when nothing feels normal. if it weren't for the spinal headache and the constant need to eat, drink, pump, sleep and heal physically, it might be a little easier.
but somehow there is grace for each moment. just to get through it to the next one. if i need to cry, i just cry. if i don't feel anything, i just let myself be there. there is a natural grace about trauma too, that gives you the coping skills to survive.
Kyren had another stable day. No news is good news in our minds. My mom and i drove in to see him and to meet with the lactation consultant to help resolve some issues i am having. he is such a little miracle, lying there helplessly being kept alive. there is something about being in his presence that is all at once comforting, unnerving, and fascinating. he is both a stark reality and a mysterious quandary, and it's hard to process it all. it didn't help that i couldn't stand by his bed for very long without needing to lie down from the headache.
he had a little tear in his skin behind one of his ears that was repaired through plastic surgery last night. just the fact that you can perform such a task on such a fragile being is beyond my comprehension. . . and i can't dwell on it for long.
here's to sleep tonight-- may we relish the few hours at a time we are able to get! there's nothing like having a newborn to wake you up every 3 hours...
2 comments:
Hi Melissa,
Kelly sent your thanks and you're so very welcome. It's a privilege to be able to quietly come alongside you and Dave and hopefully, through prayer, help you bear this unimaginable, unexpected burden. I feel like I'm tiptoeing on sacred ground. I'll take my shoes off. Love, Candice
I think about you so very often. When I first learned that you delivered, my heart just broke thinking of all of the things that come from giving birth, that would be so difficult this time around. The bleeding, the milk, the pain. It's so much easier to deal with those things when you're cuddling a new little baby, but knowing that you're not able to do that has me praying all the more for you specifically, Melissa.
I pray that you'll get the rest you need, knowing how hard it must be to leave the hospital every night and try to rest your mind enough to recoup some of the sleep you need to heal and to be able to continue visiting with your little Kyren.
Know that Christian will be fine! The good thing about this age is that they're so resilient...and they don't remember much. He's got lots of loving people around to take care of him and he will not forget who you are just because you're not around for a time.
Each of you has been in my prayers for all of the different ways that this affects you. I hope you feel the Lord's comfort and strength, and the freedom to express your emotions and your needs, knowing there are lots of people around to help hold you up when you're feeling weak.
Lots of love,
Eileen
Post a Comment