unbelievable

i am sitting here with a sense of inadequacy to express what's in my heart. The notes, comments, facebook updates, and prayers people are sending to us are blowing my mind. i am all at once humbled, in awe, faith-boosted, and almost floating on some kind of high as i literally receive the Goodness of God into my spirit. Just when i think we've been added to our last prayer chain at someone else's church, i get another email from someone i barely know telling us that 100 more people are praying for us today. And when you think about it, it's not that God needs 100 more people to pray for Kyren in order to decide to let him live, heal his heart, or keep his brain from bleeding. The beauty of God's Heart is that it is FOR us. We already know that whatever He chooses will be for our best, and His greatest glory. And yet there is something so powerful about thousands of people being drawn by a 1 lb baby to their knees in prayer. There is a verse that has always stopped me in my tracks. It says that God uses the weak and lowly ones to shame the wise and strong (1 cor 1:27). Who can stand in the presence of a helpless creature, so small and yet so perfectly formed, and walk away without a sense of awe and humility? Kyren is causing us (and it appears many others) to stop in our tracks and consider the inherent beauty, mystery, and wonder of the weak and lowly things.
As i stood by Kyren's incubator today and talked to him, his left eye opened a tiny bit, almost as if he were trying to see who was talking to him. it was the tiniest slit of an eye, but it was precious to imagine that he somehow knew my voice. At one point he began to seem a little agitated. His scrawny arms flailed and his delicate chest heaved. The nurse said this is common, as his nervous system is easily over-stimulated and responds involuntarily. She encouraged me to put one hand on his little head, and the other over his little torso, and cradle his arms close to his chest. To do this covers practically his whole body. It was the first time i'd held anything other than his hand. I can't describe what it's like to touch a miracle. But in that moment i was filled with a desire to pray for him. There is no inherent power in my hands, but there was something very spiritual about that moment. Laying hands on my son, asking God to heal his miniscule heart duct, and feeling a surge of love flow through my fingers was truly a highlight of my life. 'Coincidentally' they were beginning to administer the first round of Ibuprofen at just that moment. Kyren seemed to respond to my swaddle, and his body calmed down, as if he were falling asleep in my hands. I think I am falling for him!
People keep commenting on how great our faith is. But what we hope people truly see is that it's not something we ourselves are mustering... or something that we just happen to excel in. It is God who is great. And as Kyren is showing us, it is we who are really the weak and lowly. This faith is completely, totally, and in every way, shape, and form, a GIFT from God during what could otherwise be a crippling time. We're sure there will be days ahead where we are weary and burdened, but what we rest in now is what we'll rest in then. God promises to be faithful, kind, and always near. He's not going to suddenly leave us. Our faith may waiver, but He definitely won't.
Thank you for standing with us in love, and kneeling with us in prayer.

...and by the way, the brain scan was clear again! no bleeding.