Birds, Bees, Babies..and STD's

In all my years of studying, researching, teaching, and practicing the lost art of abstinence from sex before marriage, I endured a lot of criticism and skepticism. I heard every common response you could think of... Why tell kids not to do it? They're gonna do it anyway. What's the point in waiting? You mean you don't even 'mess around'? You're missing out! Don't you want to have some experience? What if your husband doesn't wait for YOU? What if you aren't sexually compatible?

I spent 10 years responding to these and a thousand other statements/questions that were phrased in such a way as to make my decision to wait seem pointless. And as I did, I found my conviction on the matter growing more definite, never less.

Then I got married. And I can honestly say it was one of the best life decisions I have ever made to 'wait'. Every point I ever made in the classroom has proven to be true thus far. I have complete and total trust in the faithfulness of my husband (who did, btw, wait for me too). I have no fear of comparison to other women. I have a lifetime of intimacy to build without the intrusion of memories from the past. And the list goes on and on.

But I never imagined I would find myself in the place I did yesterday. The doctor caring for my innocent little baby told me that his primary conjecture for the sores on my little one's back was Herpes. I clarified with him what I already knew to be true. You can only contract Herpes from skin-to-skin sexual contact, transmission of bodily fluids, or through the birth canal as a baby. I assured him that my baby couldn't possibly have Herpes. And he looked at me "with all due respect" and said that a lot of women don't know that they have it. I clarified once more that it wasn't possible. He clarified once more that it's "difficult to always get an accurate history of one's partner". He probably thought "this poor naive girl thinks her husband waited for her." Part of me wanted to jump out of my chair and ring his neck. But then I remembered that I was 1. holding my precious child for the first time and couldn't move. and 2. it's probably the least realistic concept he, as an experienced physician who's treated a million cases of Herpes and other STD's in babies, could imagine. And I had to take myself back to the classroom days. Why should he believe me? Who's really crazy enough to save all skin-to-skin contact for the institution that has over a 50% chance of not working out anyway?

Whenever I spoke to kids about STD's I just took for granted that I would never have to deal with them-- I never imagined that that would someday benefit my child... and be one less thing to worry about during a time where there's plenty of other things to be concerned over. I can't imagine the guilt I would feel having passed something so preventable on to my little miracle boy.

I told him I was fine with waiting for the lab results... but that he could begin ruling out Herpes as his primary theory. He walked away, and a few minutes later returned, said he'd discussed my case with a colleague, and if what I was saying was true, then they were now wondering if the baby may have Impetigo. I almost laughed out loud. Jeeze!

It's too bad they don't ask more personal questions before they go ahead and start your baby on anti-viral drugs just because it looks like they may have an STD. The poor kid is already on antibiotics and a ton of other tubes and wires. The least they could do, for his sake, is pry a little bit into the sexual history of the parents.

This makes me want to develop a curriculum for speaking to medical personnel about the need for more open communication regarding sexuality and all of its implications.

ahh... in my spare time.

For now, I am just grateful for the grace of God on our lives... that our baby doesn't have Herpes... for the faithfulness and self-control of my husband... and for the privilege it was to stand in front of thousands of students over the years and tell them the truth. Even if one or two decided to make some wise choices as a result, perhaps there are one or two less babies in the world having to deal with a preventible complication from a little messin' around.