Mr. Independent

Well, we're tumbling quickly toward the terrible two's... and it seems as though someone has flipped a switch on our sweet little Christian. He can go from delightful to demonic in about .2 seconds. It's really quite amazing. He is learning the art of the temper tantrum, and mastering the meltdown. And it's as if the word "No" has suddenly become the king of all the hundreds of words he's learned. And yet, in the midst of it all, he still manages to be my favorite little guy in the entire universe. . . and can melt my heart with a single smile, or "Mommy, sing a song!"

ahh, a mother's love...

here are some of his latest tasks:


insists on wearing every boot in the house, whether he can walk in them or not.
of course he gets mad when he can't.
his newest habit -- shouting in total hysteria: "I CAN'T DO IT! I'M TO WITTLE!!!!"

a budding artist and voracious reader.

developing those measuring and sorting skills.

and getting into all kinds of 'did it myself!' fun.

Story Time

Kooey Smiles!

Now that our little Miracle is learning how to communicate happiness to us, our goal has been to capture it on film. Finally snapped some the other day, which was tough to do without another person to do the baby talk while i held the camera. But they turned out pretty good...
We've gotta give him a lot of credit for getting those cheeks to budge!

counting chins

... sometimes we call him Chubba the Hut.

the lovely hada

We love the invention of Skype-- which has opened up the thousand mile wide door between us and our same-aged cousins, Willa and Wyatt. We love getting to chat our way through long afternoons snowed in, or just stare at each other while our kids are screaming, and smile knowingly. Or share a bowl of oatmeal in the way-too-early mornings, still in our p.j.'s with bed-head. It almost seems like we're able to grow up together, at least a little more than we would have without a computer screen and camera.

Here is a shot Aunt Kelly took of the lovely Wil-wa (as Christian now calls her... it used to be Hada-- sometimes he interchanges them). She calls him Shu-shu. And Christian likes it when we call Wyatt, Wy-Wy Cutie Pie. We love you guys, and we love passing the time before daddies come home with you!

Here's to crazy-haired days of winter!

5 months of miracles

Kyren turned 5 months yesterday. it seems like so long ago now that we were waking up to the news that our little miracle had lived through the night. . . and was stable. today he is smiling (though he doesn't find our efforts to make him smile all that amusing), focusing, and right on track for his due date. He is sleeping 6 hrs and then 4 hrs just about every night, and nursing full time. . . very efficiently. He only needs a bottle once in a while when he gets his 'hunger bursts' in the early evening. His only high maintenance tendency is that he wants to be walked and bounced almost all of the time that he is awake. That can be a little tiring-- but is obviously a welcome reminder that we could be dealing with a lot worse! Sometimes i have to stop and force myself to remember all that we've been spared from. It's so easy to drift toward a sense of entitlement to normalcy. But we have been shown great mercy, for which we want to remain grateful... not taking for granted the fact that we don't have a heart monitor to watch, an oxygen tank to carry around, or feeding tube to change. the fact that all we have to change is a diaper every few hours is a miracle for which we want to thank God on a regular basis.

Our story could have been so different. 5 months ago I shuddered when people would try to encourage us by telling a story of a friend or family member, born prematurely, who turned out perfectly normal. I just couldn't imagine that such a story could be ours. I only had faith for that day. And I only knew that God would give us faith for each day as it came. I had no idea He would blow our faith out of the water in the weeks to come!

Right now, our little miracle is screaming his head off in his bassinet, demanding my attention. Lord, help me to be thankful for such a strong cry!

happy heart day

our valentines day consisted of:


happy heart pancakes

happy krispy hearts

happy hearted boy eating happy krispy hearts

a little heart pumping workout

hearts full of thankfulness for our little heart-throb

hello sleeping snowman

The first big blizzard yielded snow that just wouldn't pack. So Daddy the artist sculpted a 'sleeping snowman', with whom Christian was just as thrilled. It was like magic, watching him stare at him, as if he were about to come to life. He carried on several conversations with him, and kept adding snow to him, and patting it down. The second storm had snow so heavy it clumped together as soon as you scooped it up. So while the boys were napping, dave and i built a snowman outside of Christian's bedroom window. . . complete with firefighter's hat. Unfortunately the timing of his waking up coincided with a backhoe digging out the neighbors' driveway across the street. So even though there was a firefighting snowman looking in at him, he was much more interested in the digger-plow. By the end of the day, he was disappearing under a few more inches of heavy snow-- so there is no pic of him. though he is still there... kindof.

disappearing snow boy

Blizzard(s) of 2010

i'll be seeing you...

Gramma passed away this morning around 5:30. While it is sad to say goodbye, I am so incredibly happy for her! To realize she is Home and supremely joyful brings a smile to my face. When I went to see her last night, she looked so unlike herself. I've never seen anyone that close to death and it really struck me... how unnatural it is. We weren't really originally meant for death. But since the entrance of sin into the world, we have no choice but to decline with age. Our bodies deteriorate to their very last ounce of strength, and yet in their effort to fight for life the heart and lungs keep going. Every breath is a struggle. What a relief it must have been for her to go from this labored, suffering state to her new, glorified body! What a sweet communion she instantly enjoyed, free of not just weakness and pain, but of any memory of it!

What a kind thing of God to take her after only a few days... for all of us. What a bittersweet process it is to watch someone go. He uses those last hours of suffering to bring you to a point where you long for her to depart and be with the Lord, more than you long to keep her here. It makes the letting go more sweet than bitter, because, though your heart breaks, you ache more for her wholeness than your own.

My last words to her keep me focused on the True Reality. "Goodbye, Gramma. I'll see you in Heaven!" I can't even imagine what an amazing Reality that now is for her... to be face to face with her Creator and Savior.... beholding perfection and unthinkable

beauty... and basking in unending Love.

Happy Day. Sad Day.

My greatest birthday gift so far? Kyren smiled his very first smiles -- AT ME!! 3 in a row!
That made it a very Happy Birthday indeed.
We're supposed to get a huge snowstorm. Also happy.
My boys are sweet and healthy and growing chubbier everyday. Happy Happy Happy!
But as we celebrate the happiness of life, we are also reminded today of the sadness that comes along with it.
My sweet Gramma Bernie is being moved from the hospital to the hospice center. Sad.
My mom is losing her mommy. So Sad.
3 decades of my life spent with a precious woman who loved me in a deep and special way are coming to an end. It's a sad kind of day.
I guess life would not be so worth celebrating if there were not an end to it. The sad days make the happy days even happier. And the happy days make the sad ones a little more bearable. And the days that are both happy and sad are a reminder that life is short, and hard, and sweet. . . and that life and death are part of each day.
We all have a birthday. And we all have a deathday. It is painful to be born. And it is painful to die. But the joy that awaits on the other side of each is what this life is all about.

31

i walked by a mirror today as christian was talking to me, and stopped for a moment as I heard the word "Mommy" at the same time that I made eye contact with the girl in the reflection. It was one of those moments that catches you off guard. I stared at her and thought, "wow, that's me. I'M Mommy!" It was as if it hadn't previously dawned on me. ever.

I'm going to be 31 years old tomorrow. I'm married with 2 children. I co-own a house and 2 cars. I'm a grown up! Like, for real. Not just pretending. Not just babysitting. I'm living out what I always dreamed of as a girl. Being a Mommy. But somehow staring at my face for those few moments created a disconnected kind of feeling. Like how can this really be true? I don't know what I'm doing! I'M the Mommy??? This girl staring at me is supposed to be in charge here? Help!

I don't feel old enough to be 31. And yet, I feel like 31 is "old" to be just starting out as a mom. I always imagined having all my kids in my 20's. Not sure what I imagined the 30's to be like. I guess that's the problem. I never really thought that far! And now here I am. Pluggin away at everyday life as a wife and mother. On one hand it feels so natural and deep and better than anything I imagined it to be. On the other hand, I'm not sure what comes next... or how to do all this child rearing stuff. But i suppose no one really does at 31.

The one thing I do know is that I don't want to get swallowed up in just being "Mommy". I want to spend this decade discovering more and more of who I am called to be in each area of my life. And while Mommy is a major area, and one in which I take great delight, it is not solely who i am. it is my role, my assignment, and my privilege...but i am first melissa. God's child and called to find my identity in Him. So thankful for all that 30 has brought and taught me. But looking forward to hopefully a little less 'eventful' year. Loving my husband, caring for my children, and learning to rest in the faithfulness of my Father, as He teaches me how to be His.

vank you, big bruvver

christian has begun to take his role as big brother very seriously. he is constantly saying, "big bruvver playing trucks", and "oh, vank you, big bruvver!" when he hands something to Kooey. last night we gave Kooey a bath, and christian wanted to help-- without prompting. it was priceless. i only wish we could have gotten his adorable little (serious) face on camera...

what we do all day

with not being allowed to go anywhere, for the sake of Kyren's health (which, thank God, is fabulous!), we have had to get creative in the long hours that Daddy is at work... here is a sampling of some of the things we do to keep busy and have fun, while trying to remember that this season is just a season-- and soon we will be running and playing at the park and the pool!

take froggy boots on and off 10x a day

build a book tower

(original idea by Christian Brown)

set up the water table in the kitchen

have peanut butter pretzel parties