lost in wonder

this evening's memories were quite possibly some of the best i will ever have in this life. i was simultaneously lost in the wonder of it and kicking myself for not bringing the camera. . . while consciously and determinedly taking in every sweet and precious moment and allowing it to seep deep down into my heart, and settle there, so as not to vanish once it had passed. and somehow, i think i finally did it-- took it all in. felt it. stood in it. received it for all it was meant to be. savored time even as it flew by. perhaps it was the fact that the moments were repeated as many times as the little dragon roller coaster went around the track, and the little 'driver' grinned from ear to ear, and waved as he went by, each time being lurched by the sudden turn of the car, and quickly returning his grip to the handle. repeat this, and every other ride that went round in circles about 10-15 times, and i've got about 40-60 ear to ear grins to take with me for the rest of my life.
what i CAN'T put into words is how deep a joy these moments flooded my soul with. see? i can't even write a sentence that doesn't end with a preposition. as the little airplane flew by me over and over, my heart soared with it. it was like the joy my little pilot was obviously experiencing was multiplied 10fold in my heart, and with 10x the weight. i was overcome with... something i really don't have a word for... and it made me high as a kite, yet more grounded than i've ever felt before. it brought a cheek-aching smile and yet there were tears threatening to pour from my eyes. i watched my husband scoop up our little motorcycle rider and kiss him on the cheek as he talked about the exhilaration of doing 'wheelies' around the 'track'. my heart took a picture to store in my mind forever. so in love with them both. i couldn't stand it. and yet... i could. i felt free to receive and be there, and to live in it. suddenly the lyrics from a cheesy love song began to run through mind, as if a soundtrack was playing in the background of my life.

And these are the moments I thank God that I'm alive

and these are the moments I'll remember all my life

I've got all I've waited for

And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together

I could not ask for more than this time with you

And every prayer has been answered

And every dream I’ve had's come true

and right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be

here with you here with me…

i know it's totally corny, but i have always loved this song, and find it to be both romantic and emotional. and that is exactly how tonight was. the Good Lord was romancing me with His precious gifts of Love, and allowing me to feel the beautiful emotions that He created me to feel. i can only fall more in love with Him as i reflect on this priceless treasure i have in my family. i know so many long for what i've been given, and i have done nothing to deserve it.

i just can't get over how much the addition of children has taken what i thought was a pretty phenomenal deal (marriage to this amazing man) and turned it into unbelievable! so much richer. deeper. abiding. bonding. selfless. magical. sweeter.

and THIS.... THIS is just a fraction of how God loves His children!

if only i could live with a more constant sense of His delight in me-- a leaning God-- whose posture is always toward me, trying to catch my eye, hoping i'll wave at Him, smile at Him, reach for His hand, and ask for MORE.

there is nothing more beautiful, i've concluded after tonight, than a child who is delighted with the goodness of life-- blissfully unaware of anything other than joy. a child who knows he is loved, is completely secure in that love, and trusts it blindly, for he knows no other way.

and yet i do not long to go back to that state as i once did. i want to be where i am. who i am. delighting in my child's delight-- for there has never been a greater beauty in my soul than to bear witness to, and share soul ties with one so innocent and free.

Abba, may i seek to grow more and more like a child before you-- reaching up for your strong arms, and seeing the Joy in your eyes as you scoop me up and kiss my cheek. i want to cut through those lies that you are begrudgingly coming to my aid, or listening to my prayers. i want to rest in the truth that is so simple and yet so eternally solid. that you really really really truly, deeply, madly, wholly love me as your own.

THANK you for giving me a glimpse of that tonight. i loved it.

and i could not ask for more!

(but i will, knowing that you delight in your children, and you long to show me more of your sweet Love)