Free to bee wee little Mee....

Back in the day, the Bollinger family started calling me "Mee-lissa". Mr. B. started it, and then Bob eventually shortened it to "Mee". So when I call, he'll answer the phone, "oh, hi Mee." It's funny. . . cuz i'm always afraid to say, "hey, it's Mee," just in case he doesn't recognize my voice, and thinks I'm just saying, "hey, it's me." I don't like those awkward moments where the person on the other line doesn't know who you are. When people do that to me, and it seems like they're just testing me to see if they're important enough for me to recognize their voice, i find it really annoying. So i will often inflict the awkward silence on them intentionally, so they have to identify themesleves ... evil, i know. but it's the truth.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about the truth. It seems that Americans spend a lot of energy on keeping up appearances for the sake of etiquette, rather than being genuinely themselves. When I was in Israel last summer, I learned very quickly that being polite for the sake of etiquette is a concept that doesn't exist there. If you want something, you don't find a way to hint about it... you just state your preference. If you feel something, you don't try to put on airs and pretend you're feeling something else. As a result, people tend to be more transparent and real. Awkward moments aren't considered uncomfortable, or even awkward. They're just moments of reality. People don't get as easily offended as they do here. I was told that it's partly due to the fact that Israelis value life, as a result of all they've been through as a people; and because of it's brevity and the fact that it is so unpredictable, people get right to the point. I really like that. Not that it gives you license to say whatever you feel like, or not care if you've offended someone-- and in no way does it excuse us from speaking in love-- but I am all for being real.
The problem with so many of us, as humans I suppose, is that we don't like being real because it involves getting in touch with the fact that we're not really "all that". Not only am I not any better than anyone else (a fantasy i think everyone has when they're comparing themselves to others that seem less "____" (fill in the blank) ), but I'm really just another weak and helpless and needy being in need of love and strength and forgiveness. In and of Mee-lissa, i can do nothing extraordinary. (I can't wait to see this reality through my newborn! He will be good at ordinary things-- like eating and excreting-- and sometimes that's about all I'm good at too).
I am beginning to enjoy embracing my weaknesses-- even though it may crush my incessant pride-- being real and honest with where I am in life and in my walk with God is much more refreshing than anything. I am finding that when I'm honest about my weaknesses, it not only refreshes me, but it is refreshing to others. I know this is true when others are real and transparent with their weaknesses. I often walk away encouraged that I'm not the only one with issues and fears and insecurities. It's humility. And it's attractive.
And I firmly believe that's the only place to be if you really want to grow. From the ground up, so to speak. You can't start building a strong foundation on top of a partially wrecked one. The ground needs to be totally level. That may mean cleaning out a lot of junk-- looking at it-- admitting that it's been there for a while-- and choosing to let it go. I think that's why God says to humble yourself before Him, and He will lift you up (James 4:10). He's the only one that can make strong the weak, rich the poor, and lovely the destitute. And I'm pretty sure He does a much better job at renovating the soul than I could on my own. Because left to myself, I will succumb to the pressures of the culture to make myself better outwardly, while the inside is still in shambles. In other words, I become a hypocrite (Matthew 23:27-28). That's really all "putting on airs" is. Pretending you're something you're not for the sake of lifting yourself up. . . picking yourself up by the bootstraps when you're down, only to find yourself less and less able to do so.
I am realizing more and more that God wants the best for me. He truly actually really genuinely loves me (ok, i'm still trying to get my heart to believe that one)-- and He has created me to be much more than a weakling who has no hope. I am a new creation--which means a whole new identity than the one with which i entered this world. Only by claiming this over myself do i find true life, true strength, and true joy.
In translation, "Melissa" really means "honey bee" -- how sweet, right? I like to think of it as God's way of saying that He's created me to be a messenger of sweetness to others-- and not my own sweetness (for those of you who know my mouth to often drip with sarcasm), but the sweetness of the One who is at work transforming my destitution into beauty. Like the honey bee, i have a job to do-- and one that I can't do on my own. A honey bee doesn't just magically "make honey"-- it is a process and an adventure-- and not one that's always fun and exciting-- but it is productive, and it's purposeful. My job is to be me-- and yet to carry the aroma of Christ to others (2 Corinthians 2:14-16), and that is the sweetest fragrance there is. It is dripping with love and compassion and hope-- things i definitely don't come by naturally, but are now MINE in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 2:1-10). Things that I want to be cultivating-- yet can only be cultivated by the work of His Spirit in my everyday life.
As I learn to be real, genuine and honest with myself, with God, and with others, I learn to be quiet and content with allowing God to be God, allowing others to be where they are in their journeys, and not demanding anything from anyone to make me happy. As I learn to crave the sweetness of His presence, rather than my own promotion, I will be able to walk in this newness of life I am destined for. By Grace Alone, may He continue the work He's begun in wee little Mee, and may it result in more and more freedom to dwell in the sweetness of true reality.