As I try to watch this through someone else's eyes, I imagine that it might seem rather pitiful. But in our eyes it is a beautiful moment of bonding with this little pumpkin that we barely know, yet love more and more each day. We consider it a fabulous gift every time we get to peer into the soul of this fragile little creature we call our son! A gift that only lasts for a few moments... but warms our hearts more than we can describe.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Halloween Handyman
every handyman needs a toolbox for treats
Trick Or Treat
you guys need anything fixed?
A treat for the hungry handyman
he can also tune your piano...
Our Little Pumpkin...
sportin his pumpkin hat from Mrs. F
his very own lil' jackolantern
some perspective pics
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Kyren 2.0
Our little sport has reached the 2 lb mark! I was hoping to write about this yesterday when it actually happened-- as of today he's up to 2.2 lbs!-- but i never got around to it. Been a little busy the past few days trying to catch up on sleep and figure out what to prioritize and what to leave for later. Nevertheless we are so encouraged by his daily weight gain, and continued ability to tolerate the feeds. They also have him on HMF (Human Milk Fortifier) just to help bulk him up with some extra calories. Seems to be doing the trick! Our main prayer now is for his lungs to also grow big and strong enough to begin breathing with the C-PAP rather than the Ventilator. It's just going to take some time. But if this steady weight gain continues, he'll be on the road to breathing on his own before we know it! Just keep praying against infection and any other respiratory complication...
We did get to see him last evening, as well as meet with a good friend/counselor to talk about our post-traumatic trauma. Then we went to my parents' to watch the 1st game of the world series and ended up (trying) to sleep there rather than go home in the dark of night....i didn't feel quite ready to do that. Christian had already gone to bed there, but happened to wake up right before we were all turning in for the night. Unfortunately this encounter really screwed up his night, and he was up every few minutes until 2:45am crying for Mommy. Why me? :) Why can't they ever wake up in the night crying for Daddy, who doesn't have to get up every few hours in addition to the 'every few minutes'? Not fun. I also never realized how noisy my parents' house is at night (sump pump, heat turning on and off, toilet running, dog walking around the halls trying to shepherd everyone...). So much for getting a better night's sleep!
Fortunately we didn't have to go anywhere or do anything today-- and i am again reminded of how blessed we are to have dave home during this time. Today he was able to keep Christian occupied while I took a nap in my own bed. I only wish I weren't such a slave to the pump. I could have slept a lot longer. Just keep telling myself it's worth every minute of lost sleep! My baby's gaining weight from this sacrifice of love, and it's only for a season. And thank God it's going well, and my supply is increasing rather than decreasing, as i've heard can happen to some women. And thanks to my awesome sis, Kelly (and Medela), i am now Freestylin'! Soooo much better than the others!!
(Note: I am being vague for the sake of any uncomfortable people who may not be so keen on reading about such a personal issue... it's just that, once you've given birth and nothing is sacred any more, you don't really seem to care who reads about your breastmilk)
We love you Baby Boy-- Keep on growing strong!!
We did get to see him last evening, as well as meet with a good friend/counselor to talk about our post-traumatic trauma. Then we went to my parents' to watch the 1st game of the world series and ended up (trying) to sleep there rather than go home in the dark of night....i didn't feel quite ready to do that. Christian had already gone to bed there, but happened to wake up right before we were all turning in for the night. Unfortunately this encounter really screwed up his night, and he was up every few minutes until 2:45am crying for Mommy. Why me? :) Why can't they ever wake up in the night crying for Daddy, who doesn't have to get up every few hours in addition to the 'every few minutes'? Not fun. I also never realized how noisy my parents' house is at night (sump pump, heat turning on and off, toilet running, dog walking around the halls trying to shepherd everyone...). So much for getting a better night's sleep!
Fortunately we didn't have to go anywhere or do anything today-- and i am again reminded of how blessed we are to have dave home during this time. Today he was able to keep Christian occupied while I took a nap in my own bed. I only wish I weren't such a slave to the pump. I could have slept a lot longer. Just keep telling myself it's worth every minute of lost sleep! My baby's gaining weight from this sacrifice of love, and it's only for a season. And thank God it's going well, and my supply is increasing rather than decreasing, as i've heard can happen to some women. And thanks to my awesome sis, Kelly (and Medela), i am now Freestylin'! Soooo much better than the others!!
(Note: I am being vague for the sake of any uncomfortable people who may not be so keen on reading about such a personal issue... it's just that, once you've given birth and nothing is sacred any more, you don't really seem to care who reads about your breastmilk)
We love you Baby Boy-- Keep on growing strong!!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
post traumatic trauma
Just when we were starting to get past the trauma of our second son's early arrival, into the groove of our new "adventure", and beginning to feel somewhat rested... we were awakened this morning at 4:45 by an intruder in our home. The great news is that no one was harmed and nothing was taken, and we are feeling God's protection on our family. The bad news is that this counts as another traumatic event in our lives. And it turns out that trauma, no matter how it takes its form, is really exhausting. I just tried to take a nap for the second time today, and my body wouldn't let me. I woke up from what little sleep I did get, completely weak, all the way down to my toes.
I am reminded of several things-- 1. My weakness (physically, emotionally, etc...) is evidence of my need for God's Strength. 2. God's Strength is beyond sufficient for my weakness. 3. We're really learning what that means!
Not to overspiritualize things, but I really do feel that God is keeping us safe in His Strong Arms... and that it's ok to be weak as we trust Him to keep us in His Strong Arms no matter what comes our way. Though this incident has truly touched at the core of my fears, I just keep thinking of all of the ways He prepared us for and protected us through this trauma.... including using my fears to drive us to have a conversation last night on our way home from visiting Kyren, about what we would do if we ever found ourselves in a situation where someone was in our house in the middle of the night! I said that fear would paralyze me... Dave said that fear gives him adrenaline-- that he would get his Louisville Slugger (which he just brought up from the basement earlier this week and placed by his side of the bed!!) and defend our home... while i called 911. So when this scenario actually played out a few hours later (!), that is exactly what we did. It freaks me out, and brings me to my knees before a Sovereign God, who knew exactly what was coming, and graciously gave us the tools (via my fears) to do what needed to be done. Not many intruders have the courtesy to come into your house and turn on your lights so you can see them snooping around your livingroom, from the bedroom. But this one did! And while I only have a small view of the livingroom from where i sleep (the way our bed is positioned, and when our bedroom door is open) it was enough to see him walk across to the couch and look in Dave's jacket... which Dave had the courtesy to leave on the couch.
God gave Dave the clarity of mind to sneak up on the guy with his bat, but rather than strike him, yelled, and the guy bolted down the basement stairs and out the door. We consider this a major gift of mercy, both to us and the intruder -- as anything could have transpired in those moments. Neither of us saw his face, which is a really nice post-traumatic plus, even though it doesn't help the police. And though he got away without consequence, we pray that this event would somehow turn this man's heart toward God.
As for my fear of intruders? Well, I'm not sure how I'll sleep tonight, or this week, or perhaps for a long time, but I feel like this was the best possible intruder experience we could have had! We did what we had to do; and while it was terrifying, it was surely a LOT better than it could have been. We were spared from harm, our children are safe and sound, our possessions are still ours, and we get to go on living our lives. As we consider the alternative, we are challenged to think deeply once again about what it is that we are truly living FOR. As happy and thankful as we are to have our home and all of our stuff, and especially our precious children (Oh Lord, thank you!!!!!), we are most thankful tonight for the Hope we have in Jesus. And I'm not just saying that because it's the good Christian thing to say. Because He beat death and rose the Victor, we know our future is secure, our true home is in Heaven, and NOTHING can separate us from His Love!!! "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8)
There is no security system worthy of such trust and hope!
There is no dead-bolted door that can keep us safer than this promise.
.... though we WILL begin locking ours from now on.... :)
And there is no trauma that is not able to be conquered through trust and time...
I am reminded of several things-- 1. My weakness (physically, emotionally, etc...) is evidence of my need for God's Strength. 2. God's Strength is beyond sufficient for my weakness. 3. We're really learning what that means!
Not to overspiritualize things, but I really do feel that God is keeping us safe in His Strong Arms... and that it's ok to be weak as we trust Him to keep us in His Strong Arms no matter what comes our way. Though this incident has truly touched at the core of my fears, I just keep thinking of all of the ways He prepared us for and protected us through this trauma.... including using my fears to drive us to have a conversation last night on our way home from visiting Kyren, about what we would do if we ever found ourselves in a situation where someone was in our house in the middle of the night! I said that fear would paralyze me... Dave said that fear gives him adrenaline-- that he would get his Louisville Slugger (which he just brought up from the basement earlier this week and placed by his side of the bed!!) and defend our home... while i called 911. So when this scenario actually played out a few hours later (!), that is exactly what we did. It freaks me out, and brings me to my knees before a Sovereign God, who knew exactly what was coming, and graciously gave us the tools (via my fears) to do what needed to be done. Not many intruders have the courtesy to come into your house and turn on your lights so you can see them snooping around your livingroom, from the bedroom. But this one did! And while I only have a small view of the livingroom from where i sleep (the way our bed is positioned, and when our bedroom door is open) it was enough to see him walk across to the couch and look in Dave's jacket... which Dave had the courtesy to leave on the couch.
God gave Dave the clarity of mind to sneak up on the guy with his bat, but rather than strike him, yelled, and the guy bolted down the basement stairs and out the door. We consider this a major gift of mercy, both to us and the intruder -- as anything could have transpired in those moments. Neither of us saw his face, which is a really nice post-traumatic plus, even though it doesn't help the police. And though he got away without consequence, we pray that this event would somehow turn this man's heart toward God.
As for my fear of intruders? Well, I'm not sure how I'll sleep tonight, or this week, or perhaps for a long time, but I feel like this was the best possible intruder experience we could have had! We did what we had to do; and while it was terrifying, it was surely a LOT better than it could have been. We were spared from harm, our children are safe and sound, our possessions are still ours, and we get to go on living our lives. As we consider the alternative, we are challenged to think deeply once again about what it is that we are truly living FOR. As happy and thankful as we are to have our home and all of our stuff, and especially our precious children (Oh Lord, thank you!!!!!), we are most thankful tonight for the Hope we have in Jesus. And I'm not just saying that because it's the good Christian thing to say. Because He beat death and rose the Victor, we know our future is secure, our true home is in Heaven, and NOTHING can separate us from His Love!!! "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8)
There is no security system worthy of such trust and hope!
There is no dead-bolted door that can keep us safer than this promise.
.... though we WILL begin locking ours from now on.... :)
And there is no trauma that is not able to be conquered through trust and time...
Monday, October 26, 2009
minimal news is good news
i haven't had a lot to report lately-- which we're counting as a good thing! Kyren is steadily (albeit slowly) gaining ounces, as his milk intake increases (he's up to 20mL per feeding). He isn't 2lbs yet, but we're hoping by next week he'll hit that mark. Not that that's a huge achievement, but it might make us feel like he's hit some kind of small milestone. He's been doing rather well, aside from some e-coli in his trachea, which is being treated preemptively with i.v. antibiotics. We are still hoping and praying that as he and his little lungs grow and mature, he'll be able to get that ventilator out of his trachea/lungs, and be free from the threats that imposes. I got to hold him for the third time the other night, and it was really sweet. Every time the nurse or doctor would talk too "loudly" or adjust his wires and tubes, his levels would drop as if he were distressed or annoyed. When they stopped, his levels would rise back up. They said that he didn't like them fussing with him, and he was much happier just being left alone with Mommy. Whether or not that's true, it made me feel good. They still remark every time we're there at how feisty he is.
Christian is marveling us with his daily absorbency of vocab. and his emerging creativity. He's taken to dragging his blanket(s) around the house and falling down on them (accidentally and on purpose) in the hallway for a snuggle. yesterday, as he was delighting in the fuzzy cuddle-bility of "Red Blanky", he buried his face in it and started gently shaking his head back and forth, saying, "ugga mugga", which is the term we use for affectionately rubbing noses/Eskimo Kisses (coined by Mister Rogers' Lady Aberlin in the Land of Make Believe). I love how his imagination is already taking off, but his sensitive side is also developing. This morning he was reading to himself out of his favorite "Frank the Firefighter" book, and he got to the part where the girl has a 'bump' on her head that Frank helped bandage/make 'all better'. he stood up, walked over to the kitchen cabinet closest to him, bumped his own head against it, went back to the book, bent over and put his head on the page and said, "Frank...Kiss...". When i reacted with 'awwww's', he then walked over to his other 'best friend', the big yellow Tonka loader, bent over, put his head against it, and said "Loader...Kiss". Nothin like a firefighter and a loader to make a little boy's head feel better. Not to stereotype, but i'm pretty sure i've never seen a little girl run to a construction vehicle for comfort. he cracks us up! Can't wait till both our boys are able to run around together...
Thursday, October 22, 2009
hexxy
Christian likes to make up nicknames for things and people. Sometimes he says "Poppy-da" or "Pops" (for you-know-who). Sometimes he calls Dave "Dad-doo". Once in a while, I get "Mommy-na". And we all know about "Mumba". (btw, we got him a little push-mower, and today he called it "push-mumba").
He learned his shapes recently using the shape sorter toy-- the classic red and blue ellipse with the yellow handles at both ends. He decided to call the star "Sah-zee", the pentagon "Penty" and the hexagon "Hexxy". So over the past month or 2 I've gotten used to hearing "Hexxy".
One of his favorite books is the "I SPY: Little Wheels" board book. It's one of those "must read over and over" books that we've all memorized.... or so i thought.
This morning he brought me the book, all excited, and sat down in my lap (the best part), and started turning the pages purposefully, saying "hexxy...hexxy...hexxy!!" as if he were searching for something very specific. I was so curious to know where he'd found a hexagon in a book of wheels. The suspense mounted as we went through every page and he still wasn't satisfied. He started thumbing through the pages again, backwards, still chanting "hexxy", getting a little more desperate with every unsuccessful page turn. Finally he stopped turning, and exclaimed with glee, "HEXXY!" ............. and pointed to........ a small yellow Taxi.
"Ohhhhh...Taxi!" i laughed in amazement.
"Haxi!" he smiled with contentment.
i looked at Dave. "Did you teach him that?"
"No, i thought you did."
hmm. either he's learned to read behind our backs... or one of his grandparents has been reading "I SPY" a little more literally than we have.
now we just need to work on that "T" sound....
He learned his shapes recently using the shape sorter toy-- the classic red and blue ellipse with the yellow handles at both ends. He decided to call the star "Sah-zee", the pentagon "Penty" and the hexagon "Hexxy". So over the past month or 2 I've gotten used to hearing "Hexxy".
One of his favorite books is the "I SPY: Little Wheels" board book. It's one of those "must read over and over" books that we've all memorized.... or so i thought.
This morning he brought me the book, all excited, and sat down in my lap (the best part), and started turning the pages purposefully, saying "hexxy...hexxy...hexxy!!" as if he were searching for something very specific. I was so curious to know where he'd found a hexagon in a book of wheels. The suspense mounted as we went through every page and he still wasn't satisfied. He started thumbing through the pages again, backwards, still chanting "hexxy", getting a little more desperate with every unsuccessful page turn. Finally he stopped turning, and exclaimed with glee, "HEXXY!" ............. and pointed to........ a small yellow Taxi.
"Ohhhhh...Taxi!" i laughed in amazement.
"Haxi!" he smiled with contentment.
i looked at Dave. "Did you teach him that?"
"No, i thought you did."
hmm. either he's learned to read behind our backs... or one of his grandparents has been reading "I SPY" a little more literally than we have.
now we just need to work on that "T" sound....
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