maestro

so this week christian has been getting into guitar playing, and really confidently belting out his favorite tunes. it's not only quite entertaining, but as always, the cutest thing i've ever seen. he often asks dave if he's holding the guitar the right way, since Daddy has made it a point to show him that there IS a right way. personally i don't think it matters, but apparently if he gets used to holding it as a Lefty, we will have to buy him special lefty guitar(s) (says dave) for the rest of our lives. i like how men think sometimes.

so it's hard to decide which videos to upload, since they're all so incredibly precious. the kid is a sponge when it comes to remembering (everything) lyrics. he's obsessed with words in general. how they sound, what letter they start with, what they mean, what they rhyme with, etc...

and when you sing him a new song and his eyes light up and he asks you to 'sing it again', he's not just wanting to hear the song again. he's learning it. recently i've heard him singing songs i didn't know he knew... and tonight i heard him actually composing his first original work. fortunately the camera was right there and i got it (well, had to ask him to repeat it) in it's beginning stages. i think he'll be coming up with a chorus and a bridge in the near future.

i will try to upload that one soon, but for now, here's a little before-bed espanol...

there are 2 renditions, b/c he just couldn't stop singing... :)

"the trash truck comes tonight" -- an original piece, by CAB

the dishes or blog?

i have a mountain of dishes that has been piling up over the past few days of celebrating birthdays-- and of course i am torn between doing them and doing this. as gia reminded me last night, they'll still be there tomorrow. so i'm going to do what i really feel is MOST important in this moment, and record the memories before they begin to fade...

kyren went to bed early on his actual birthday, as he was starting to get dave's cold from the weekend. so we ate the rest of his birthday cake from his party without him... not that he would have been able to have any. christian enjoyed it on his behalf.

the next morning, it was daddy's birthday, and we had a fabulous cinnamon swirl french toast breakfast, thanks to the 50 cent day-old cinnamon swirl bread we got at highland orchards on saturday (another post i have yet to write!). HIGHLY recommend that day-old shelf! while dipping his breakfast in a puddle of syrup, C announced, "i'm not going to cry today at school!" he was actually excited about going back! i never thought i'd see the day :). we all rushed to get out the door so we could drop him off "to-geh-wer". he only started to panic a little bit when it was time to say goodbye. he gave us each a hug and i kissed his hand as the teacher swept him in the room and shut the door. i could see the anxiety on his face, as he fought the tears, and it only ripped my heart out for a second this time. i knew he would be fine. and that was a wonderful feeling. when we came back to pick him up, he cried again, but the reviews from both he and the teachers were wonderful. i think we've overcome!! thank you, Lord!

since dave got to take off for his bday we spent the day just relaxing and talking and hanging out together. went out for coffee, sat in the sunshine, went to see Inception while gramsy watched the boys (yes, it was phenomenal), and then out to a fancy dinner at gilmore's in wc, while gia watched k, and c spent the night at gramsy/poppy's. he got to ride in the aerial lift and mow the lawn. no separation issues there! it was SO nice to get away together for the day. and yet it felt like we'd been away from the boys for sooo long.

k had his 1 year well visit early this a.m., so i still haven't seen C. and i miss him so much. i just can't imagine being separated from him for more than a day. talk about anxiety! any movie plot that has anything to do with that kind of thing is really hard for me to watch these days. i can't even read the news. it's incredible what becoming a mother does to you.

poor baby kooey got 4 vaccines this morning (i am still so unnerved by all of that stuff), and i'm hoping and praying he doesn't get too sick from them. i hate that. :(

i guess i'll get to the dishes eventually... oh and the laundry and the vacuuming, and the bathroom, and the trash. . .

--kyren's slideshow is now up and running--

a LOT of fun

last week, when we drove out of the driveway of Christian's preschool, after having to pick him up early from his first traumatic day, he suddenly said, "that was fun!"

i laughed out loud at the contrast of that matter-of-fact statement in comparison with the hysterical child i'd just held in my arms moments before.

well, day 2 went, thankfully, much much better. he cried (supposedly) for the first 10 minutes or so, and then only off and on for the rest of the morning. but he DID it-- he made it through the whole schedule!

his teachers were enthusiastic about his progress, and reported that he did really well!

he proudly brought home this lovely piece of artwork, which i think look like birthday candles for daddy and koo:

i think we're going to try to find a place to start hanging such pieces... like wallpaper the basement with them. dave was quick to take a picture of it and upload it. i like that!

we are so proud of our little big boy, and we look forward to continued progress!

he cried when he saw me standing out in the hallway at the end of the school day, and came running into my arms (every mom's heartmelting moment!). . . he told me all about the loader on the playground, and had to take me out there to show it to me. very sweet.

his assessment as we drove out the driveway today was, "that was a LOT of fun!"

as a reward for making it through the school day and for being so brave, he got this little gift (courtesy of eileen and emma, once again):

i totally didn't prompt him to say what he says in this video... but i did have to make him repeat it so i could get it on film. he was so genuinely excited and thankful! so cute!

looking forward to tomorrow!!

miracle boy turns 1!

yes, it seems like a year ago our lives were turned upside down. no, i can't believe our little miracle is actually a 1 year old. of course he is still 8 months in so many ways, and we are enjoying each developmental milestone as they come (and they are coming QUICKLY these days). he is in a hurry to grow up, catch up, and move forward (literally)! he's perfecting the art of pulling up on furniture, the dishwasher, and the bathtub. and he's even beginning to cruise a little bit today. he's starting to play around with sounds, and experiments with various forms of 'da-da'. . . just in time for dave's birthday, tomorrow :). and he's crawling as fast as he possibly can to get to wherever christian is. . . but he really just wants to run. he's even started crying when we put him on the floor and walk away. definitely social.

yesterday's weather was perfect for an outdoor celebration. his big birthday bash was a wonderful way to thank all of our loving family and friends for the support and prayer they surrounded us with over this past year. we are still in awe of how God granted our little miracle mercy after mercy, and brought him through those difficult months. as we look back at the photos from our days in the NICU, we are overwhelmed with memories and filled with gratitude. we find ourselves unable to fathom that that baby is the same one we see before us now.

he is still our teeny tiny koo-bear, our blessing from Heaven, our little love, and "The Lord's Beloved".

what a precious and continual reminder of God's goodness he will always be to us!

school: the first 2 days.

day one was a mommy 'n' me 20 minute visit in the classroom. it went mildly well. C was excited to go, but as soon as we stepped (well, i stepped, carrying him) in the room, his whole body stiffened, and i could feel his blood pressure skyrocket. he knew i wasn't leaving, but there were strangers there, and i think just the thought of being there, knowing that the next day i'd be leaving, was enough to fill him with anxiety. he calmed down a little bit, and played w/some toys. i read him a couple of books as we chatted w/the teachers... but half way through the 2nd book, he suddenly started to cry. like a mini panic attack. poor baby!

the second day (his first real day) he got out of the car and said, "oh, i forgot my Bob the Builder hard hat", and reached in to grab it. on his head it went, as if he'd planned to wear it as part of his first day of school outfit. i let him. we walked in the building and ran down the ramp as promised. he was doing great til we got to the hallway of his classroom. he stopped and said, "i don't want to go." we found his cubby, put his schoolbag in it, and said a brief goodbye. i kissed his hand, like in The Kissing Hand, and told him if he missed me he could put the kiss on his cheek and i'd be with him. the teacher came out in the hall, scooped him up, and said, "say, 'see ya later mom.'" which he did, through brave tears. i definitely welled up as i walked away and the door shut. i stood outside for awhile and could hear him crying. the only kid in the room making any audible noise. i contemplated staying just in case, but realized it would be more torturous for ME. so i got in the car and drove to mom's...only to receive a phone call from the principal to come and pick him up. i could hear him screaming in the background. he was winding up instead of down. so his first real day of school totaled about 45 minutes.

as soon as he was in my arms he stopped crying and started telling me about his morning. how he got to paint and go on the train on the playground. ironically he did all of this while sobbing. all the other kids were still on the playground, running around and happy. i partially wanted to give him a pep talk and send him back over to join them, but knew better. he was done. and after a couple of minutes he said, "we'll try again another time." i guess the principal had been telling him that right before i got there. :)

we got in the car, and as we drove away he said matter of factly, "that was fun."

soooo i guess we'll be giving it another go-- and hopefully his positive memories will remain just that, despite reality. :)

i think he really WANTS to like it. and he definitely likes the idea of it. it's just getting his little emotional self convinced. ahh well, at least he looked cute.

before.

after.

lost in wonder

this evening's memories were quite possibly some of the best i will ever have in this life. i was simultaneously lost in the wonder of it and kicking myself for not bringing the camera. . . while consciously and determinedly taking in every sweet and precious moment and allowing it to seep deep down into my heart, and settle there, so as not to vanish once it had passed. and somehow, i think i finally did it-- took it all in. felt it. stood in it. received it for all it was meant to be. savored time even as it flew by. perhaps it was the fact that the moments were repeated as many times as the little dragon roller coaster went around the track, and the little 'driver' grinned from ear to ear, and waved as he went by, each time being lurched by the sudden turn of the car, and quickly returning his grip to the handle. repeat this, and every other ride that went round in circles about 10-15 times, and i've got about 40-60 ear to ear grins to take with me for the rest of my life.
what i CAN'T put into words is how deep a joy these moments flooded my soul with. see? i can't even write a sentence that doesn't end with a preposition. as the little airplane flew by me over and over, my heart soared with it. it was like the joy my little pilot was obviously experiencing was multiplied 10fold in my heart, and with 10x the weight. i was overcome with... something i really don't have a word for... and it made me high as a kite, yet more grounded than i've ever felt before. it brought a cheek-aching smile and yet there were tears threatening to pour from my eyes. i watched my husband scoop up our little motorcycle rider and kiss him on the cheek as he talked about the exhilaration of doing 'wheelies' around the 'track'. my heart took a picture to store in my mind forever. so in love with them both. i couldn't stand it. and yet... i could. i felt free to receive and be there, and to live in it. suddenly the lyrics from a cheesy love song began to run through mind, as if a soundtrack was playing in the background of my life.

And these are the moments I thank God that I'm alive

and these are the moments I'll remember all my life

I've got all I've waited for

And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together

I could not ask for more than this time with you

And every prayer has been answered

And every dream I’ve had's come true

and right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be

here with you here with me…

i know it's totally corny, but i have always loved this song, and find it to be both romantic and emotional. and that is exactly how tonight was. the Good Lord was romancing me with His precious gifts of Love, and allowing me to feel the beautiful emotions that He created me to feel. i can only fall more in love with Him as i reflect on this priceless treasure i have in my family. i know so many long for what i've been given, and i have done nothing to deserve it.

i just can't get over how much the addition of children has taken what i thought was a pretty phenomenal deal (marriage to this amazing man) and turned it into unbelievable! so much richer. deeper. abiding. bonding. selfless. magical. sweeter.

and THIS.... THIS is just a fraction of how God loves His children!

if only i could live with a more constant sense of His delight in me-- a leaning God-- whose posture is always toward me, trying to catch my eye, hoping i'll wave at Him, smile at Him, reach for His hand, and ask for MORE.

there is nothing more beautiful, i've concluded after tonight, than a child who is delighted with the goodness of life-- blissfully unaware of anything other than joy. a child who knows he is loved, is completely secure in that love, and trusts it blindly, for he knows no other way.

and yet i do not long to go back to that state as i once did. i want to be where i am. who i am. delighting in my child's delight-- for there has never been a greater beauty in my soul than to bear witness to, and share soul ties with one so innocent and free.

Abba, may i seek to grow more and more like a child before you-- reaching up for your strong arms, and seeing the Joy in your eyes as you scoop me up and kiss my cheek. i want to cut through those lies that you are begrudgingly coming to my aid, or listening to my prayers. i want to rest in the truth that is so simple and yet so eternally solid. that you really really really truly, deeply, madly, wholly love me as your own.

THANK you for giving me a glimpse of that tonight. i loved it.

and i could not ask for more!

(but i will, knowing that you delight in your children, and you long to show me more of your sweet Love)

september sunshine and my spotty mind

the end of summer is here-- it's hard to believe it's already september. the weather has been absolutely quintessential for outdoor time. thursday night was the last 'swingin summer thursday' in wc. we went and walked up and down the main drag, stopping to watch the clown and climb up in the firetruck. friday evening we stayed in and watched 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' after the boys were in bed. then we stayed up late recounting all of our first and fuzzy memories of how we met. it was strange to not be able to remember things that in retrospect should be monumental. but then again it was 9 years ago and another lifetime! we put bits and pieces together from both of our fragmented memories, and had some good laughs. i love being married. and i find it amazing that i already forget what life was like 'back then'. i guess that whole leaving and cleaving process really cements you into a new normal. that, and the addition of children, has completely deteriorated my brain to the point that it is painful to try to construct a sentence right now. . . or to come up with a clever title for this post.

so anyway... saturday morning i went to grocery store w/k while dave took c on their ritual outing to northbrook to get donuts. then dave had to go into work for a few hours. he is such a champ for coming home in time to take us on a 'mystery trip' to marsh creek, where he and c got to go catamaraning, while k and i played on the beach. we had a little picnic supper. and i saw a teacher i used to work with, but didn't know it was she until afterward. she had a REALLY big dog that c and i went up to pet (he has no fear of dogs quite bigger than himself). i even asked her questions about the dog, the whole time thinking she looked familiar. i worked w/her on and off for 7 years! what is wrong with me? again, my brain sometimes feels like it is missing some pieces. on a side note, i suddenly have an urge to be more detailed in writing down things like this. perhaps because i imagine that years from now i will have forgotten the things like running into an old colleague and how it made me feel, and to read about it will suddenly put me right back in that moment. not that that was the best moment, or one i'd like to look back on with fondness. but i feel compelled to record it simply b/c i know i'll forget. really, i used to have a very good memory. can you tell this is disturbing me?

... AND i guess that's not really a side note, since it has to do w/brain things. case in point... again.

sunday, christian went to sunday school and actually stayed in there for the last 30 minutes without us. he cried for a while (the teacher said) and then calmed down and would only burst into tears every few minutes. ...progress! he only has one more week til school starts. getting nervous...!

dave had to go into work again for a few hours, but then came home and took us to the skatepark where we basked in the beautiful sunshine and watched wide-eyed as the skateboarders did their thing. we also played on the fun jungley gym thing and watched the dogs in the dog park. my favorite was the enormous great dane named tonto. after making sure he was friendly, c walked right up to him (head and shoulders taller than my boy) and reached up to pat his head. priceless.

last night, after dinner, i proudly threw together some spaghetti sauce (browned 3 lbs of meat, etc) so i could assemble some freezer meals -- and left it out to cool for a couple hours. woke up this morning and had that horrible realization that i never put it away. i could cry. but before i do i'm calling mom to see if she would keep it or throw it. it was chilly in our house last night-- soooo that counts for something, right?

i know. i googled it. not looking too promising. but somehow i'm still clinging to 'mom knows best' and 'mom will agree with me' and somehow my hard work will overpower the potential bacteria that is likely swimming around in there right now.

ugh. i guess God is trying to humble me with this forgetfulness thing.

anyway, as i write this, dave is trying to get c ready to go 'play tennis' with him... which consists of dave hitting the ball against a wall and c running after them. ball boy. it looks like another beautiful day-- and i can only sit here grateful (despite my ruined sauce and my lack of brain cells) for this precious season that is quickly flying by. i saw a family in the grocery store the other day-- with 3 boys. approximately 10, 9, and 6. the two older ones had shaggy hair and were acting somewhat pre-adolescent. i watched them for a few seconds as i stood in the checkout line and suddenly tears filled my eyes, realizing that these sweet days of cuteness that define my world will not last forever.

example: christian woke up this morning and said, "i was just reading 'what people do all day' (his richard scarry book that he keeps IN his bed these days). "these people are walking into their houses," he said, pointing at the outside cover of the book. . . . then he paused....

"actually, they're kitties... not people."

sigh. take it in. take it in. take it in!