getting clean

With the onset of colder weather (well, before the warm snap this week), we were enjoying fires in the fireplace once again-- the boys love helping daddy build them, and a couple of times we've even had s'mores. (sans chocolate... but they don't need to know that that's an ingredient).  

one evening as we were removing the fireplace screen in order to roast our mallows, "Doggy" suddenly flew past our heads and directly INto the fire! i grabbed him before he burst into flames, Thank Goodness! But he was slightly singed on his head and ear. We had a good "teachable moment" out of it, and agreed that throwing our toys near the fireplace was never going to be a good idea. A few minutes later we found this -- 

After a trip thru the washer and dryer (to get the excess soap out of his fur, and believe me there was excess)... there was weeping and gnashing of teeth over the fact that Doggy's head and ear were still a little, shall we say, crispy.  And when I say weeping, I mean full-blown, wailing, sobbing meltdown of all meltdowns. Seizing another teachable moment, in my super-wise maternal fashion, I calmly tried to explain that this was something that, although permanent, did not change how cute, cuddly and wonderfully fun is Doggy. I reminded him that Doc McStuffins still loves her animals even when they're sick or hurt. I showed him the scar on my hand and bravely told him how i got a burn when i was little, and my Mommy and Daddy didn't stop loving me. It didn't change how they felt about me, and God even used it for something good. It helped me learn my left from right. I launched into the whole detailed, exciting adventure of it all, trying to draw it out long enough for him to calm down and get his wits about him. And just when he looked like he was really grasping the idea of compassion and love for all creatures despite imperfections, and I was about to pat myself on my back for being so quick with the life lesson application/smoothing over of drama... 

he burst into tears and sobbed adamantly, "But I'm STILL never gonna love Doggy forever!!!" 

um...ok.

So i fed him some lunch, and put Doggy out of sight for a while. 

That seemed to be more what he needed. 

And while he may not have been as effected as I wanted him to be... I was. 

This was another reminder that I have no control over my children's hearts. I can sew seeds of love and seize teachable moments, provide contexts for learning valuable lessons, but I cannot create compassion and love, let alone genuineness, integrity, or conviction in their hearts.  

I can't make them good.

I think about the concept that "the good in me is only there because of who You are". And it rings true in my own heart once again-- that I did not save my own soul. 

Someone else did. 

Someone else took my heart of stone and gave me a heart of flesh. 

Someone else created in me the desire to love others. 

To have compassion on the helpless. 

To forgive those who wrong me.

I never would have genuinely desired these things on my own. 

 And He taught me by example.

 He loved me in my own unloveliness. 

He had compassion on me in my helplessness. 

He forgave me for an infinite list of wrongs. 

He washed away the ashes and soot of my life, 

and loves me despite my remaining scars. 

Only He can do this. 

Only He would want to.

Because only He is Love.

Praying for your heart, little one, that you would soon come to realize that no matter how hard you scrub, you need Someone Else to truly make you clean.