Clifford the big red obsession

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Hi I'm Emily Elizabeth. (aka, melissa brown; aka, mommy)







and this is my dog, Clifford. (aka, Christian Brown)





















these are his friends:

mack (aka, Dave Brown)










cleo (aka, kyren)

T-bone
(aka, his stuffed doggie who used to be named, "doggy")








and our neighbors:

mrs. bleakman . . . . and mr. bleakman
(aka, gramsy and poppy)







and really, i should be using "utbka" instead of "aka". because there is no ALSO anymore. we Used To Be Known As Mommy, Daddy, Christian, Kyren, Gramsy and Poppy.
But all of that has changed.
And if you dare slip and call any of us, at any time of day or night, by our old names, you will be immediately (and if need-be, continually until you get it right) corrected.

until further notice,

Emily

no years resolution

resolutions? nope. don't have any.
don't like making them. too much pressure.
don't like breaking them. too much disappointment.
so instead, i've decided to take it day by day, week by week, and month by month.
my goal this month is to. . . um, come up with some goals. loose ones. nothing hard and fast or set in stone.
my goal this week is to not get the stomach bug from my boys.
and my goal this day is to get this post published on the blog. since, you know, it's 1/2 way through January already.
reachable goals. :)
speaking of which... one thing i am working on overall is my tendency toward perfectionism. i WISH that meant i was too rigidly organized and kept my house too martha stewart clean. but unfortunately i have ugly perfectionism. I'm not Type A, so it doesn't come across neat and clean on the outside, or manifest itself with any good side effects. it's the kind that makes me want to be perfect at just about everything. like... keeping resolutions without breaking them. ......... orrrrr failing in any way.
at anything i set out to do.
i don't even like playing board games. it's too much of a letdown when i lose. pathetic, i know.
you'd think by now i would have realized that being perfect at ANYthing is not a reasonable or in any way realistic goal. turns out you get disappointed frequently when that is the bar you set for yourself. and you probably miss out on a lot of fun in life when you refuse to try new things for fear of failing or looking dumb. it seems that this is an ongoing battle for me, and rather ironically can get very depressing when i look at it as a battle i'm losing (ie, failing at) most of the time.
BUT i am learning. i'm learning to let go, little by little. and God is giving me plenty of opportunities. . . to be comfortable being imperfect me in an imperfect world, married to an imperfect man with whom i've brought forth less than perfect children. we have imperfect neighbors and lovely yet imperfect friends and family. and sometimes it is a lot easier to extend grace to all of them than it is to lavish it upon myself. but i'm learning. and really, that is what life ends up being about... learning from my mistakes, my doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, and even from my failures.
in the classroom i used to say, "life is a lot easier if you can learn from other peoples' mistakes. you don't have to go out and make the same ones just to 'see for yourself'."
and in a lot of ways that's true. but not allowing myself room to make a few mistakes here and there is just stupid. it's going to happen. every. day. i'm going to fail to be the perfect wife, mom, friend, sister and daughter. i'm going to say things i shouldn't, do things i shouldn't, not do things i should, and so are others. and i need to accept that. nobody's perfect, right?
here's the clincher:
God didn't choose to send His son to save the perfect, but the imperfect. He sent Him to take my failures (and by failures i mean sins, not losing a board game) and nail them to the cross, instead of me.
and that's why i love God.
He isn't some pushover who just looks down and says, "aww, that's ok. your selfish attitude toward your spouse and angry words at your children aren't that big of a deal."
Rather, He looks down and sees those things (and so much more) under the blanket of sacrifce His PERFECT Son lay over me. all my weaknesses and failures are paid for. i don't have to beat myself up about them. Jesus was already beaten up on my behalf. only, literally. i don't need to walk under the weight of my own condemnation. i just have to be honest. to confess that He is Perfect and i am not. (why is that so hard? oh yeah. because i'm still imperfect.)
He lived each moment on Earth without making a single mistake. He lived the life (morally) i should live, but can't. And yet He died a sinner's death, for me, the sinner, that i might never die!
He came that i might have life and have it abundantly (John 10:10)! that means richly, fully, unincumbered by condemning thoughts. and if i am FREE from the judgement of God -- then surely i can learn to be free from the judgement of myself (and even others).
and THAT is a resolution worth making... again and again. cuz, let's face it, it's an ongoing process :)

yes we have our (ba)nanas today!

kyren finally started saying "nana" today! we try to get him to say it every morning when he devours an entire one in seconds. so the fact that he just 'came out with it' was super sweet.
all day today he was demanding bananas and cheese, whenever there was nothing left on his tray that he fancied. it was just about the cutest thing ever!!! i guess we'll have to start working on "please!"

cheeeeeze!

no, we're not taking pictures. . . tho we should be.
Cheese is one of Kyren's first words!
He's been doing the signs for "All Done" and "More", and once in a while will say, "Ah-Duh" for All Done. So next to Dada, I guess that could be considered his first word(s).
But just now during lunch he started saying "Cheese"-- mostly with his tongue in his teeth (as if he were spitting), and with the encouragement of his brother, providing plenty of imitatable sounds.
It is so exciting, to actually hear his little voice emerging. It's been a very long time coming, and we are thrilled. Just thought i'd share. :)

kooiversary

A year ago today, we brought home this little bundle of miraculous joy:

...and took him for his first ride...on the Big Brother Mobile...


Today we marvel at the ride he's taken US on... and the Big Boy he's become:

...filling our home with quiet sweetness and husky laughter ...

We love you, Kyr, Koo, Koobin, Kooz, Kooalotamus, Koopernakiss, Kooby, Kooble, KooBear, KyrBear, Kyrie. You have defied so many odds, and your development is progressing so nicely on track with your adjusted age of 12 months-- we just can't imagine that you were ever anything but a normal healthy newborn, like the one we brought home last January 5th. We will never forget that precious day, that led us into this precious year of discovering who you are and leaving behind the bittersweetness of your arrival into the world. it just seemed to fade into the background once you were home. and while it will always be your powerful testimony of God's Mercy, it is no longer what defines you in our eyes. You are simply you-- easy going, joyful, curious and loving. And we look forward to this next year of watching you grow into more of who you are!

Recap 2010

Our year started off with a quiet yet beautifully timed 'bang' when Kyren was taken off of breathing aids for the first time in his short little life, and proved himself ready to come home-- without anything but his own little skin. . . and some vitamins. We will never forget the morning of January 5, 2010-- and we will cherish it always as a special date.
The remaining months of winter were spent mostly inside at home, or out playing in the snow-- getting used to life as a family of 4, and getting creative with how to spend so much time indoors with a toddler and a 'newborn'. but mostly we were just daily grateful that we were home. together. healthy and whole.
Gramma Bernie went home to be with Jesus three days after my 31st birthday, and snowstorms across the country made it tough for family to get here. We celebrated her life with those who could make it here, and began a new season of life without her.
At the end of March, Baby William made his early debut-- as much of a surprise as his cousin's was only 6 months prior. We prayed him through the spring with much hope and rejoiced when he too was able to come home around his due date, with minimal complications.
Warmer weather brought more freedom to our family in terms of getting out and enjoying a little more of the world. I took several blogging breaks throughout these months, to enjoy my kids, catch up on sleep, and just live without it all on record.
Christian turned 2 in style with a firetruck birthday cake and his own Harley.
We made it through back to back stomach bugs in late spring/early summer and got well just in time for a little trip to Chicago, just me and the boys, to visit SKWW in their new home. Our crazy interrupted itinerary and the germs we brought with us from both plane rides were all worth it for the fun time we had there.
July brought a few heat waves that made even sitting by the pool miserable, and we all thanked God for air-conditioning on a daily basis. Both boys really enjoyed the times we were in the water, and those times were plentiful throughout the summer.
August brought a visit from Maddy and our annual trek to the Lake, where we got MORE willa/wyatt time -- and made a ton of memories as our first time together as an extended family.
September took Christian out of his comfort zone and into the world of preschool (or DAY school, as he will quickly correct you), where he flourished almost immediately, and couldn't have been more pleasantly surprised by it!
We celebrated Kyren's Miraculous first birthday with a small bash at Allison Wonderland with a few of his closest fans. What an amazing year he had-- and what a sweet time of reflecting on the miraculous ways he overcame the odds.
October brought SKWW east for the first time, to meet the great grands, and pack in some pumpkin-picking/hay-riding memories.
November filled us with thankfulness for all we've been given and (and spared from) this year. We celebrated with the Janes family -- and got to meet Baby William for the first time. It was a precious time of picture-taking for the little boys who've been through so much and come so far!
December flew by the fastest of all, with our first mild cold of the season, and preparations for Christmas-- which was all we could have dreamed it would be-- healthy, happy and harmonious-- ending with some dancing and instrument playing by all round the tree at Gramsy/Poppy's.
And now the new year is upon us-- and we are thankful once again for the many MANY ways we experienced God's grace, mercy, blessing, and peace throughout what could have been such a very different and hard year.
We don't know what these next 12 months may hold, but we do know that in everything, God works for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. (romans 8:28)
We live, not for hope that this world will somehow grow more peaceful or this life easier or more comfortable, but for that which is to come, and that which is unchanging, unfading, and eternally secure. Our peace of mind is found not in our current circumstances, though we naturally desire easy ones again this year, but in Jesus Christ Himself, who IS our hope amidst life's shifting seasons.
May we all be reminded of that as the year unfolds-- and may we encourage one another all the more as we see the Day approaching...(Hebrews 10:24-25)
Happy New Year!

Simply having a wonderful Christmas Time