Blizzard(s) of 2010

i'll be seeing you...

Gramma passed away this morning around 5:30. While it is sad to say goodbye, I am so incredibly happy for her! To realize she is Home and supremely joyful brings a smile to my face. When I went to see her last night, she looked so unlike herself. I've never seen anyone that close to death and it really struck me... how unnatural it is. We weren't really originally meant for death. But since the entrance of sin into the world, we have no choice but to decline with age. Our bodies deteriorate to their very last ounce of strength, and yet in their effort to fight for life the heart and lungs keep going. Every breath is a struggle. What a relief it must have been for her to go from this labored, suffering state to her new, glorified body! What a sweet communion she instantly enjoyed, free of not just weakness and pain, but of any memory of it!

What a kind thing of God to take her after only a few days... for all of us. What a bittersweet process it is to watch someone go. He uses those last hours of suffering to bring you to a point where you long for her to depart and be with the Lord, more than you long to keep her here. It makes the letting go more sweet than bitter, because, though your heart breaks, you ache more for her wholeness than your own.

My last words to her keep me focused on the True Reality. "Goodbye, Gramma. I'll see you in Heaven!" I can't even imagine what an amazing Reality that now is for her... to be face to face with her Creator and Savior.... beholding perfection and unthinkable

beauty... and basking in unending Love.

Happy Day. Sad Day.

My greatest birthday gift so far? Kyren smiled his very first smiles -- AT ME!! 3 in a row!
That made it a very Happy Birthday indeed.
We're supposed to get a huge snowstorm. Also happy.
My boys are sweet and healthy and growing chubbier everyday. Happy Happy Happy!
But as we celebrate the happiness of life, we are also reminded today of the sadness that comes along with it.
My sweet Gramma Bernie is being moved from the hospital to the hospice center. Sad.
My mom is losing her mommy. So Sad.
3 decades of my life spent with a precious woman who loved me in a deep and special way are coming to an end. It's a sad kind of day.
I guess life would not be so worth celebrating if there were not an end to it. The sad days make the happy days even happier. And the happy days make the sad ones a little more bearable. And the days that are both happy and sad are a reminder that life is short, and hard, and sweet. . . and that life and death are part of each day.
We all have a birthday. And we all have a deathday. It is painful to be born. And it is painful to die. But the joy that awaits on the other side of each is what this life is all about.

31

i walked by a mirror today as christian was talking to me, and stopped for a moment as I heard the word "Mommy" at the same time that I made eye contact with the girl in the reflection. It was one of those moments that catches you off guard. I stared at her and thought, "wow, that's me. I'M Mommy!" It was as if it hadn't previously dawned on me. ever.

I'm going to be 31 years old tomorrow. I'm married with 2 children. I co-own a house and 2 cars. I'm a grown up! Like, for real. Not just pretending. Not just babysitting. I'm living out what I always dreamed of as a girl. Being a Mommy. But somehow staring at my face for those few moments created a disconnected kind of feeling. Like how can this really be true? I don't know what I'm doing! I'M the Mommy??? This girl staring at me is supposed to be in charge here? Help!

I don't feel old enough to be 31. And yet, I feel like 31 is "old" to be just starting out as a mom. I always imagined having all my kids in my 20's. Not sure what I imagined the 30's to be like. I guess that's the problem. I never really thought that far! And now here I am. Pluggin away at everyday life as a wife and mother. On one hand it feels so natural and deep and better than anything I imagined it to be. On the other hand, I'm not sure what comes next... or how to do all this child rearing stuff. But i suppose no one really does at 31.

The one thing I do know is that I don't want to get swallowed up in just being "Mommy". I want to spend this decade discovering more and more of who I am called to be in each area of my life. And while Mommy is a major area, and one in which I take great delight, it is not solely who i am. it is my role, my assignment, and my privilege...but i am first melissa. God's child and called to find my identity in Him. So thankful for all that 30 has brought and taught me. But looking forward to hopefully a little less 'eventful' year. Loving my husband, caring for my children, and learning to rest in the faithfulness of my Father, as He teaches me how to be His.

vank you, big bruvver

christian has begun to take his role as big brother very seriously. he is constantly saying, "big bruvver playing trucks", and "oh, vank you, big bruvver!" when he hands something to Kooey. last night we gave Kooey a bath, and christian wanted to help-- without prompting. it was priceless. i only wish we could have gotten his adorable little (serious) face on camera...

what we do all day

with not being allowed to go anywhere, for the sake of Kyren's health (which, thank God, is fabulous!), we have had to get creative in the long hours that Daddy is at work... here is a sampling of some of the things we do to keep busy and have fun, while trying to remember that this season is just a season-- and soon we will be running and playing at the park and the pool!

take froggy boots on and off 10x a day

build a book tower

(original idea by Christian Brown)

set up the water table in the kitchen

have peanut butter pretzel parties