It has been a whirlwind of excitement and build up, as we started taking bets and anticipating the big "reveal" before our 16 week ultrasound. . . only to have the little stinker hide her femininity from us! 2 weeks later, the sonographer was 90% sure it was a girl-- but would NOT confirm or deny the possibility that 2 weeks later we could be thinking blue!
But the big day finally arrived, and I was able to simultaneously watch the screen, hear the words "This is a baby girl!", and capture my husband's, boys' and mom's faces on video in the dimly lit room of the ultrasound! It was a surreal, yet emotional experience, to say the least!
Mom pulled out a pink gift bag with our first girly gift-- the 'Girls Rock' onesie that we quickly incorporated into our announcement:
We are all still marveling at God's goodness, kindness, and great LOVE toward us, in surprising us with this treasure! But none more than I… as I have spent the rest of the week pondering slowly all of these things in my heart-- my lifelong desire to have a girl, starting with my little girl dreams of being a mommy, and growing up with a mom who always told me how special girls are, and how hearing "its a girl!" were the best 3 words she ever heard… developing a heart for counseling and teaching young women, always with a desire to empower and equip girls to know who they are and embrace true beauty. The wonder of getting married and starting a family with the hopes of a little girl on the horizon… instead hearing "it's a boy!" 2 times over, and living with the dream deferred… then growing to love being a mom of boys to the point where i really truly utterly was satisfied and content with remaining just that. And now the result of the last 4 years of prayers that went something like, "God, if I am going to have another baby, please make it an accident, and please make it a girl!" …never really believing He'd answer in just that way! I really did expect another boy, not necessarily b/c i didn't believe God would grant my request, but because i really have grown to love these boys like i never could have imagined! They are so easy, so fun, and such a delight to my soul… I suddenly found myself in a place of total contentment with the idea of one more. I knew they would love it, it'd be natural, and they'd all be a team.
What never, ever occurred to me was how sweetly my 100% boys would react to the thought of having a sister. They (esp. C) were convinced we were having a girl. They really WANTED her to be one! And the more they talked about it with excitement, hugged and kissed my belly, and wanted to watch videos of fetal development, the more endearing it became to think of the wonderful surprise it would be for all of us. . . to hear those 3 incredible words!
And now here we are! Talking about what to name her, what pink things we should get for her, and how her body parts will be different than theirs! And it feels like a dream-- with little moments of reality setting in by the day. And it is wonderous, and emotion-filled, and altogether lovely.
And yet there is the next 12 weeks -- of watching and waiting, and keeping the faith… that this little peanut will stay firmly planted where she belongs. There are pangs of "what if" that float around us, and hang in the air. There is tentativeness in talking too much about "when she comes in March", and shadows of the past that loom around the next month or so of ultrasounds and monitoring.
There is growing anticipation, and sweet intimate moments of feeling her kick and flip around within me. And there are bittersweet memories of the last time I felt a baby kick from the inside. At 24 weeks and 1 day. There is natural attachment happening as I let myself take in the dream-come-true….and there is natural disengagement as I try not to get too attached.
But all I have to do is look at my miracle boy for but a few moments and all of the BEAUTY of God's perfect sovereignty come back into focus. I have nothing to fear. For if He has been faithful in the past, and handled every detail with His wise and loving will, He will surely be faithful in whatever plan He has for our little girl. He makes no mistakes. And he surely does nothing by accident! No matter how much I pray for it :).
He is knitting our sweetheart together for a specific purpose and plan-- and I can rest fully in the peace of whatever that is, being all for our good, and hers. No matter the span of her life-- she is our dream come true. She is our little gift of love from the planter of dreams, and reaper of prayers. That we might be so lucky as to hold her, whether for a day or for a lifetime, we will be in awe of the giver of all good gifts, who has blessed us with His love in those 3 little words!
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