terrible too

the possessiveness, meltdowns, and all-around-two-ness continue... and my nerves are wearing thin. in other words, i'm failing to see my son's selfishness in his every thought, word and action (specifically toward his brother) as a reflection of my own. i mean, am i really any different? it is truly pulling into focus the immeasurable patience of God. i have such a short fuse when it comes to this terrible two thing. i find myself getting so angry when he yanks the toy out of his brother's hand, or pushes him to the ground when he's too close. and yet how often do i get angry at others for their thoughtlessness, or judge them for their perceived sense of entitlement, or even rail against a complete stranger who cuts me off?
... and how often does God get angry with me? the answer is never. and it's not because i'm any more selfless or self-controlled than my two year old. it's because He's infinitely long-suffering. His Love knows no bounds. and because He only sees me clothed in the righteousness of Christ, my tendency toward self is somehow swallowed up in grace. not that my selfishness should go unchecked. in fact, in all of this mayhem, may i be constantly reminded that i am no different from my little one, except that i have faith in Jesus, and therefore should be all the more overcome with gratitude for the gospel! more motivated to patience and graciousness. and challenged more deeply to love him as God does.
Lord PLEASE teach me to be slow to anger, abounding in love. help me to stop in the moment that i am tempted to yell, shame, or use my physical advantage over him. open my eyes to see the little 'me' in his attitude, his whining, and his manipulation. give me a heart like Yours, that i may discipline this child with consistant, firm, tender love. that i would seek to point out when he is doing well, and shower him with hugs and kisses and pride. and that i would be quick to forgive, and when necessary, confess my own wrongs.
i cannot do this in my own strength. thank you for the promises you give us in your Word that you will never leave us or forsake us-- in parenting, that is such a comfort. thank you that you give grace to those who are weak, and you have compassion on your children. Thank you that you are never-changing, all-knowing, ever-abiding, and eternally merciful. my only hope for this journey lies at Calvary-- where you took all of my terrible-two-ness-- past, present and future-- and abolished it... setting me free to walk in a manner that's worthy of such a sacrifice. it is for freedom-- to LOVE-- that you set us free! teach me how to love my children, the way each of them needs, each step of the way.