the big day!

it's finally here.
hard to believe, and yet a long time coming.
i could hardly sleep-- like Christmas, only different.
i was excited, but also filled with questions and a tinge of anxiety... not knowing what to expect. feeling like i haven't really prepared (emotionally, mentally, etc) or knowing what preparing actually looks like. it seems like deja vu to have the same bassinet that Christian slept in sitting by my bed, all of a sudden. little flashbacks, and feelings of "wait, how'd that get there?" and "it seems like yesterday he was in it", run through me.
i guess if i've learned one thing over this past year, it's been to 'go with the flow' of life. to be still and know that God is ...well... God. He's got a Master plan and every detail under control. and i obviously don't. a surprise pregnancy wasn't a surprise to Him. it was part of the plan. the fact that it was another boy? no surprise there. He formed him with great joy from the beginning of time and has a plan for his life. premature labor. yup, planned that too. i am convinced of it now more than ever. He has walked us through each moment of shock and surprise, comforting us with the knowledge of His sovereignty and goodness. reminding us that we are not alone, that He is going to work everything for our good, and bring Himself all the glory that is due Him. AND HE HAS!!!! And He will. And we are so thankful to be the recipients of His grace and mercy.
Kyren David Brown, you have become a testimony to your name! The Lord truly has shown mercy to His beloved! we feel privileged to be your parents, and to be walking this road with you. And we know that no matter where His mercy takes us in the coming days, months and year ahead... you will be our constant reminder of His love. It knows no bounds! Through your 15 weeks (107 days) in the hospital, you have taught us more than you could possibly imagine. i have learned to be more childlike, more helpless, more weak and lowly, less proud, less self-reliant, and less needy of sleep. you have helped to bring me to a place of dependence on God, and understanding His love for ME in a sweeter way than if you were still 4 days away from your due date (in my belly).
May you grow strong and healthy, and always be aware of the love that surrounded and carried you from day 1. May you never grow tired of hearing the miraculous story of your entrance into the world, and the countless people who will meet you and tell you that they prayed for you ...to live, breathe, and grow. May you walk in awe someday at the way God has loved you and brought you from frailty to strength, and may you seek after Him and His will for your life-- because He is worth it all, and because i'm pretty sure He's got something really special planned for you!
In just a few short hours we will be bringing you home to be part of our family -- a family that loves to laugh and sing and, lucky for you, play with trucks. lots and lots of trucks.
And...... i can't wait to give you a bath-- to wash away the smell of the hospital, forever, and hold your sweet smelling skin close to me. To cradle you near, in our own home, and to feel for the first time, that you're really mine.