It's gone so fast, I can hardly believe it! In fact, the closer our due date approaches, the less real it actually seems that we could have a living, breathing (crying, sleeping, excreting) baby in our arms at any moment! This morning he's been so still, it is almost unnerving. Perhaps the calm before the storm? I just ate some lunch and he's starting to move around more normally-- phew. Let the maternal instincts of worry begin!
It is fun to imagine that his birthday will be sometime in the next week or so. Will it be May 6-- Uncle Sethy's bday? Or perhaps 05/07/08? Or May 08, 2008? I like 8's. That would be fun. Or perhaps it will be much later, like the 13th or 14th -- whenever it falls, it's funny that it will then be permanent, when it is now such a mystery.
Again I am reminded and refreshed of God's soverignty and purposeful choosing of the details of our lives. From the hairs growing on his tiny head, to labor, delivery, and raising him up, to the date he will someday leave this earth, there is no amount of maternal worry that can ultimately change the course of his life. The good, the bad, the pain and pleasure of living in an ever-increasingly dangerous world all lie inevitably before him. How ironic that there can actually be comfort and assurance in the midst of that-- that this child does not truly belong to me, but to his Maker. We are simply his caretakers, his guides and his role models. What a mysterious, adventurous, and awesome privilege to have been given!
I am so in need of grace and strength for this task-- more than I could imagine... Oh Lord, help me! Keep me in this frame of mind. I will most often not know what I'm doing, or what is best... but you will. I am sooooo thankful for this. Remind me of it daily!
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