Pregnancy Humor

Last Day

Yesterday was my last official day as an Amnion CPC employee. Very strange. Not the day, just the concept. It obviously isn't fully hitting me-- but it is definitely a mysterious feeling to realize I'm not going back on Monday.

I began the day at a Health Expo... where I really ended up looking more like part of our display table than an employee. :) Here is a picture of why... I think it's hysterical how much larger I appear than Toni. I really don't FEEL that huge... though that seems to be the most frequent remark I get from people... "Wow, you're HUGE!!" ... Thanks....

People would walk by, look at me, look at the table, look at our display board, see the words "Crisis Pregnancy Center", look at me, and say something like, "Oh, how appropriate!"

My favorite comment of the morning was, "Wow, are you due tomorrow or are there 2 in there??" It's funny (kind of)... b/c when i look down, from my point of view, I only see the top of my stomach. We don't have any mirrors at home besides the bathroom medicine cabinet, so I don't really see how big I am until I walk by a window at work or happen upon a full length mirror in a store or something. My grandmother's convinced that there are 2 babies, and finds it necessary to tell me so every time she thinks it. Needless to say, I'm quickly becoming aware of all the things I don't ever want to say to someone who is pregnant... But I guess it is all to be expected.

Anyway, I ended the day interviewing some young ladies who are interested in speaking with the Rel. Ed. Team. One of them had heard me speak at her youth group, back when I first started at Amnion, and then heard us speak again a couple of years later at her school. She's now in college, and interested in sharing the impact that this choice has made in her own life. I found it so profound that again, God would give me a glimpse of the torch being passed-- that the generation I've had the privilege of sharing with would now be inspired to share with the next generation! It was truly quite a blessed way to end my day...and my career.

One of the best and most bittersweet moments of the day was when Toni surprised me with a card she'd made for me, detailing our times together "on the job", and how much meaningful fun we've had growing and working side by side. It has been such a gift to work with such a close friend and such an inspirational woman of God every day for the past few years... It amazes me the gifts I've been given just by being a part of what God is doing in this field.
I look forward to a month (hopefully) of rest and preparation-- but I will surely miss this familiar and powerful place in my life.

My Little Daddy

In a world that lacks fathers in general, and loving, committed, responsible fathers in particular, I am reminded today of how rare and special it is to a.) have a dad and b.) have a dad who loves me, who's always provided for me, and who is even my friend.
When I was little, my dad would go out of his way to make memories with us. He took us fishing at a little stream in malvern that became "our fishing spot". My favorite part was digging for worms and putting them in a bucket to take with us. He always did the dirty work of baiting the hook, and handling the fish! He took us on "mystery trips", where he was the only one who'd know where we were going--and whether it was a big surprise (like getting a pet), or a little one (like ice cream), the part that made it most memorable and exciting was the fact that it was a mystery! And every summer of my 29 years has been spent looking forward to August, when we spend 2 weeks at Indian Lake, where he spent his summers growing up too. The memories we share there are endless and sweet. He taught us how to water ski, took us on hiking expeditions, and taught us the value of tradition. I can't wait to pass this gift on to my own children! He has given me a love for nature, teaching me how to climb a tree, identify plants and birds, and take time to stop and smell the roses of life. And most of all, he modeled what it meant to trust in God through good and bad times. He prayed with us every night before bed, and often when we were sick. He made going to church a priority, and has always given God the credit for the blessings in our lives.
When VCR's first came on the scene in the 80's, we taped a Hallmark movie on TV called "Alex; the life of a child", about a little girl with Cystic Fibrosis. She called her father "My Daddy, My Little Daddy" at one point in the movie, and that has been his nickname ever since!
So many have not had the gift of an earthly father, or one that has molded their lives in a positive way-- what blessing can I offer my dad for choosing to be what so many are not? How do you thank someone for doing their job so well, when he probably considers it just as great a blessing to have been given such a role in life?
A simple "Thanks, Dad" and "Happy Birthday" will have to do for now-- I love you, my L.D. And I can't wait to relive my childhood as I watch you with my own children!

Here's to Lasts!

Tonight was our last childbirth class!
Tomorrow is my last day of work!
This will be my last month as a childless married woman!
So many lasts!
Last chance to be spontaneous, sleep in, enjoy independence, focus on me, be a couple.... at least for a while...
And then, at last, I will have a baby.
At last I will be a mom.
At last...my life will take on new meaning, and i will become more than ever who i am meant to be in this world...
My lifetime assignment will begin... and will last, God willing, until i die.

A small piece of fruit...

I was given a sweet gift yesterday.
My last week of work is going quickly, and as often happens when I'm just putzing around the office, a "divine appointment" walked "randomly" through the door. We'll call her Rachel. She'd seen our program at her school about a year and a half ago. At that time she was a virgin and thought that everything we said made sense. Sex is powerful.... You're worth more than your culture wants you to know... Set your standards high... Love and sex aren't the same thing...
When we spoke of the after school group where people can come to talk about the issues of sex and relationships, she thought she didn't need to go to something like that-- she "didn't need to talk about anything."
Sitting across from her I could tell she was embarrassed to be sitting here now, but there was a realness about her that was refreshing and sweet. "I wish I'd listened. I wish I'd come. I didn't realize how much it would affect me. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. It's just what everyone does. Maybe if I'd had people to talk to, to strengthen my beliefs, I could have avoided all of this..."
As we talked her eyes kept welling up with tears. "I feel stupid-- I never cry like this-- but I have no one to talk to about this stuff. I really can't do this lifestyle anymore. I really want to deal with this baggage. I need help." I tried to reassure her that this was the best thing in the world she could be doing right now. Especially as a woman-- tears are important! I told her how mature it was of her to be sitting here, that most people don't have the courage to ask for help and really mean it. She wasn't just wallowing in self pity or playing the victim. She wanted real change. Her beauty radiated through her pain, and my heart was filled with hope for her.
I told her that God loves us too much to let us stay where we are sometimes. "I wish I could believe that," she replied with a trembling voice. We talked about how so many girls end up stripped of their identity and sense of worth through becoming sexually active. To believe that you are loved or lovable (esp. by God) is beyond comprehension after you've been used again and again. Esp. if you feel that you're the one who's allowed yourself to be used. "I want to be the woman I'm meant to be," she continued, "but I know I can't become that if I don't work through this junk."
Wise beyond her years! I couldn't explain to her how beautiful she was -- how stark of a contrast she is to the hardened, bitter women who often walk in the door of that office, wanting to be free from pain, but not willing to be vulnerable and open to change.
We talked for a long time, and she seemed eager to come back for the group, as well as for counseling. I pray that she does.
In the midst of relating to her I experienced a range of emotions myself. Overwhelming awe at the blessing it is to not only see someone so vulnerable and honest, but someone who our program impacted (and obviously went deep enough for her to remember it all and know where to come for help)! Here I am, about to leave this work I've loved so dearly and devoted my whole life to-- and God allows me to see a small glimpse of the results of the investment. If Rachel were the only person to ever be affected by our words, I can whole-heartedly, without a shadow of doubt say that it was all worth it. Every challenging, long, and frustrating day spent losing my voice or feeling like no one was listening (which was the exception , not the norm), was worth it just for this moment. For all the kids who walk away saying, "That's nice. But it doesn't affect me..." Rachel is a stark reminder of the Truth. It can and will set you free-- and sometimes it takes a year and a half (or a decade and a half) for it to really sink in.
So take heart, those of you who labor for the Kindom of God's Love-- you do not labor in vain. You will reap a harvest if you do not give up. Even if it's a harvest you never see!

A roof over our heads...

For those who have been following our leaking roof/bedroom ceiling/chandelier saga-- I'm happy to report that our home is now high and dry with a sparkly new covering of solid slate colored shingle! Happy Easter (and Happy Tax Return) to us! The damage was rather extensive, and we're lucky, with all the rainstorms we've had this year, that our entire house is not a swimming pool, according to how much rotten wood was underneath the old roof. We are thankful, and yet dumbfounded at how something so "out of sight/out of mind" can be so incredibly draining to the bank account! You definitely take things like a good solid roof for granted in this country. A roof over our heads is something we should be daily thanking God for-- and yet we don't stop to think about its blessing until something goes drastically wrong. Even then we are so quick to do the opposite-- finding ourselves in a mode of complaining...as if it's our right to have a roof over our heads that is well-constructed and never gives us any trouble.
We take a lot of things for granted -- health, freedom, peace, transportation, a full wardrobe, running water... the list could go on for pages and pages... but the analogy of the roof over our heads really reminds me of the many ways God has "covered" us in this life-- We see a "leak" here and there and instead of thanking Him for the wonder of His loving protection, we complain about the annoyance of the trial. Sometimes He allows the branches of life to penetrate our comfortable little worlds, and the true contents of our hearts get revealed. It makes me want to evaluate my thankfulness meter-- and rearrange my perspective on how many blessings we have that we really don't deserve...
I read a story once about a woman whose husband was having a difficult time making ends meet financially. One day the electric company turned off their power. She knew he was already feeling badly about himself and the whole situation, so instead of greeting him that evening with disappointment, blame, and anxiety, she had a romantic candlelight dinner on the table. Can you imagine this man's reaction when, later that evening, he finally went to switch on a light and discovered the reality at hand? Though he probably felt the weight of it all, I would imagine the truth of his wife's love, faith, and humility transcended the truth of the situation. In the midst of such a stressful and potentially fearful time of their lives, she gave him some gifts he would remember forever. Respect, dignity, hope, and trust. What an inspiring portrayal of the kind of woman any of us would love to be!
So I end this Easter Sunday counting my many blessings... and refreshing my outlook on just how good we have it! And despite being a down a few $$, I possess the treasures of Heaven, the comforts of home, a healthy baby growing inside of me, and a sweet and strong husband to fall asleep next to... which really makes me the richest woman in the world...

Created to Create

Listening to a sermon on "Marriage", I heard a concept this morning that struck me...
Before time, God existed in unity with Himself-- in perfect, happy fellowship with one another, the Trinity lacked nothing. There was no need for God to create anything in order to complete anything. He was completely whole and satisfied.
If so, then why would He create a whole universe (or many), a human race capable of much imperfection and unhappiness, and people who would turn away from His goodness and glory and ultimately trash His name?
Very simply, out of His heart of Love, He had a desire to create. Not just to make beautiful mountain ranges, galaxies and intricate flowers, but to image forth Himself by creating men and women. It doesn't just say that He created man in His image-- Genesis makes a point of saying, "Male and Female, He created them." There is a sense in which He created adam and eve (marriage) to uniquely reflect not only the intimate fellowship He enjoys with the Trinity, but to image forth the glory of relationship He longs to have with US....
He has a longing to create. And as we image Him, whether single or married, we have a desire to create too. Not just a desire to create children who will image us, but a unique set of giftings that mark us as individual "co-creators" with God.
I have a desire to create writing; my husband is not fulfilled unless he is creating music. I have friends who are passionate about creating various kinds of art, photography, websites, and beautiful houses. I know women who have a distinct desire to create classrooms in their homes, memories for their kids, special romantic evenings for their husbands, and nutritious/delicious meals for their friends and families. I know men who love to create home projects, work with their hands, restore broken things to working order, solve problems, and have a genuine need to feel productive with their lives. And it always amazes me to watch children discover their own desires to create-- through mud pies, finger paint, make-believe, and empty cardboard boxes...
The talents and passions are unique and seemingly endless-- and all reflect God's creativity in a glorious kind of way.
One of the things I feel challenged by as a married woman (and soon-to-be mom), is this privilege and responsibility I have to display God to the world through my marriage. In essence, to create a picture of Christ and the church (His bride) that accurately portrays His Love. I know that this is impossible in my own strength-- and yet "to whom much is given , much is required." But I've also heard and experienced that the reverse is also true-- To whom much is required, much is given. I have been given all I need, through Christ, to, along with dave, create a marriage relationship that shows the world around us what it means to be loved by God. To lay down our lives for one another, to sacrifice behind the scenes, to pour time and energy first and foremost into our relationship, and work hard to maintain passion, romance, and joy, that others might see God's Love on display. A love that is so different from the world around us. A world that values self promotion, independence, and acheivement above humility, selflessness, and faithfulness. A marriage that points not to our own beauty and strength, but to God's. That others might see and know that it is not about our creativity, but His. It is not our own love that keeps us going, but His Love. His patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.... at work in our life. I want my marriage to be my primary creative outlet- that our children might know from a young age that healthy and happy marriages are possible to create and keep. That they might learn about God's character and heart through the way Daddy loves Mommy, and Mommy respects Daddy.
I realize that this goal is more difficult to acheive than just writing about it... but what more worthy goal is there in my life to run after? What more precious commodity have I been given than a foundation of trust and intimacy that reflects the very heart of God our Creator? I love that I get to spend this life creating, in the image of God. And I want to take advantage of this lifelong calling and opportunity to do what I was ultimately created to do-- Love and be loved by my Creator.