Kindness

There is nothing more heartbreaking as a parent than to watch your child suffer. Even in the littlest ways. In that moment,  you truly know the meaning of love-- to wish another's suffering upon yourself. And the more aware of, and affected by the world your child becomes, the deeper the love you feel.
Last night we got a glimpse of this heartbreak. Just a tiny glimpse.
We had promised the boys a trip to the playground after dinner, since we weren't able to visit the "too crowded" park after the parade earlier in the day. It was such a lovely evening, and we chose a playground that we knew would not have too many people. When we arrived, the sky was full of beautiful, puffy white clouds, sun shining brightly on them as it was beginning to set. Within a minute or so of arriving, there was a sun shower -- just a minute of spritzing rain that resulted in a beautiful double rainbow arching across the sky. What perfect timing. A sign of God's Kindness.  The promise of Good things. All seemed right with the world.
There were a few other families there, picnicking together, all of the children running around and squealing. Christian quickly introduced himself and assumed his usual role of "cruise director", announcing to the group what they were going to do ('be' firetrucks), followed by his usual, "come on, guys! let's GOOO!"
There were 5 or 6 of them, all boys, and mostly a year or so older than C.  They stood and stared at him for a moment and then one of them said, "Everyone to their battle stations!" ... a concept our little Firetruck didn't quite grasp.  When he tried to reassert himself, the boys were visibly uncomfortable with such brazen attempts at leadership of their group.  One of them yelled something to the effect of "let's get out of here!" and they all began to run away. Now this would have been a fine time for us to step in and console the poor little left out 4 year old. But the problem was, he didn't know he was being rejected. He thought it was an invitation to run away to the adjacent playground with them. So he smiled at us and ran after them. Dave and I looked at each other with identical expressions of "Oh no! What do we do?" on our faces.
 As we watched the scene play out, C chasing the pack of boys, them yelling "ahh! RUN!" when he got close, him running after them, smiling and waving at us as he passed, clearly not taking the hints... we kept cringing, biting our lips, and furrowing our brows at one another, clueless as to how to help him avoid the pain of rejection that surely would eventually dawn on him. The only consolation to our breaking hearts was that our son was blissfully ignorant. But we knew that it wouldn't be long. That whether it was tonight, or tomorrow, or another year from now, the time was coming for his wall of innocence to be shattered by the sticks and stones of hurtful words. Standing there, taking it all in, was like watching little pebbles being thrown at it, nicking the glass, threatening to crack it.  Ironically, a huge storm cloud had begun to move across the open sky, darkening the playground and threatening to spew forth something fierce. Oh good! A reason to leave. But he didn't want to go. He was having too much fun.
A few minutes later, when he was climbing up a jungle gym and one of the boys yelled to his friend with the Nerf football, "take a shot!", I had to step in. I mean, seriously?? I was already standing 5 feet away from them. Were they really going to peg my kid with a football right in front of me??!! With my best Mama Bear glare, I folded my arms and said, "Are you gonna throw that at him?"
The kid looked somewhat bashful, and said, "yeah."
Not having a clue what to say next, I replied, "Is that nice?"
He lowered his arm and walked away. Thunder rumbled overhead, insisting it was time to go.
Realizing this was paining us much more than it was paining him, we didn't want to have a little life lesson moment if it wasn't necessary. But we did encourage him that he did the right thing by being kind to those boys, even when they didn't want to play with him. When he asked why they didn't want to play with him, we fumbled for an answer. But we assured him that even when people don't want to play with us, or are mean to us, we can still treat them with kindness.
And then it dawned on me the amount of kindness being showed to us that evening.... that we were able to be there for that moment in his life. That it was so minor compared to what it could have been. That we felt the brunt of it instead of him. That we were initiated into the world of parental heartbreak so gently. That though the rainbows of life can be followed by more intense darkness, their beauty remains a fresh reminder of hope.... That sometimes we are given signs of God's Kindness before a storm, sometimes during, and sometimes not til the storm has passed. It is God's Goodness toward us that sustains us, reminding us that we are not made for this broken, stormy world. That someday the clouds will part, revealing a beauty beyond fathomable.  Rejection, pain, and the rest of the storms will be swallowed up by the LIGHT Himself.
My momma's heart wishes I could exchange his future suffering with joy. But I can't.  It will continue to break my heart that I can't spare him sorrow. But I am soo thankful that in the midst of whatever pain our boys may face, we can point them to the One who took our suffering upon Himself... The truest definition of Love. The only way by which we can offer true kindness to others.

Messy Day

Grampy gave the boys these cute little brown doggie shirts for C's birthday, and K happened to be wearing it while dropping off C for "Messy Day" at school last week. Everyone was outside for the morning, including his teacher's little brown dog...who, you guessed it, happened to match the puppy on K's shirt. It was a photo op for about 3 seconds... but i managed to snag these two....

As far as getting messy, well, Christian (who had wakened at 6am and proclaimed from the doorway of our bedroom: "IT'S MESSY DAY!!") took one look at his classmates covered in shaving cream and finger paint, and decided to go help his teacher plant seeds by the graveyard. 

To each his own.

Down on the Farm

Yesterday, Christian and I got to have a Mommy/Son date on his class field trip to Milky Way Farm. Though we've been there every year to pick pumpkins and go on hayrides, this time we actually got a detailed tour of the farm, and got to see a cow being milked. VERY interesting. . . for kids AND adults. The morning concluded with a hayride and homemade ice cream from the cows! What could be better?? 

 Watching the cow hooked up to the "robot", milking machine. Didn't even know I was capturing his reflection in this shot. LOVE IT!

With his friend, Wyatt, who shares his affection for John Deere.

His first time eating ice cream with a wooden spoon/scraper. so fun!

Keeping an eye on the tractor...

Now THAT'S a tire.

the secret to a perfect photoshoot

make no mistake about it... we are not usually the most photogenic crew here....

when one is smiling, the other is usually pouting, or looking in the opposite direction...

but today... 

well, it started off about as good as any other...

 

but then mommy had a brilliant stroke of genius!!

ready?

"Look at this little light on my camera, boys...

and say 'Stinky Blinky'... and see if that makes it light up!"

BINGO!

And, again...

"STINKY BLINKY"

works like a charm.

... no charge for that, folks ...

you're welcome!

quote of the day

I took the boys to the local park this afternoon-- 70 degrees and sunny -- it was GORGEOUS. i couldn't believe how FEW people were there for a day like this. we stayed for a couple of hours, playing, exploring, riding bikes, taking an adventure walk to see some construction vehicles down the street...

it was so fun to watch them play together, ride together, and generally enjoy one another's company. it helps when they're busy. someone even asked me (for the first time ever) if they were twins. i guess little guy is finally looking bigger!

the other day C came home from school and told me about precipitation. only he was saying "PERcipitation." i tried to enlighten him, but he was positive that he was right. (i don't know where he gets that from) :)

so the above video proves that i WAS the right one.... only he makes it look like it was all his own conclusion, and that he was informing ME of the correct pronunciation.

apparently, he told me later, his teacher set him straight (hence the example of PREschool). i especially like how my reaction was one of pride rather than encouragement. (sigh)

i guess we are 2 peas in a pod.

countdown to 4

someone is very excited about turning four in a few weeks:

I'd say "i can't believe it!", but in so many ways, he is starting to act older...
look older...

and talk older...

...only that's nothing new.

yet he is still my baby-- such a fun loving, creative and handsome ball of energy....

today we decided to interview him (ya know, for posterity..... and sheer hilarity). the camera ran out of battery before we finished (he's a little long-winded sometimes), so we will post it when it's done... but it was really fun to hear his point of view on things. he is maturing day by day, and it is so fun to watch him comprehend and grasp more and more.

he knows what he wants, and what he doesn't. and he is very good at making those things known...

and we love, love, love him to pieces!

as he says in the interview, "even when i'm bad to you!"

Easter Day.

It was quite possibly the most perfect weather ever yesterday. These pictures actually do a pretty good job of capturing the brightness of it. The boys had a phenomenal time searching for eggs, etc... and so did we. Gramsy outdid herself with goodies and surprises. And the Poppy-Bunny even hid a basket way up high, so a certain someone would get to go up in the aerial lift to retrieve it. All this combined with not one but TWO egg hunts the day before, made for 2 very spoiled little boys. they would've been happy with a couple of jelly beans...

You'd think getting them to hold still and smile for a few pictures would be a piece of cake, with how happy they were all day. But these were the best we could do. Apparently too much sugar makes it difficult to listen, let alone sit still.

The best part of it all though, was helping Christian to understand the Easter Story for the first time. Death is a topic I've always fretted about explaining to him. I always feared that it would be a discussion that ripped away his innocence and opened his eyes to the harsh reality of life. But I figured if he was going to start hearing about Jesus dying on the cross, we better start discussing it a few weeks before Easter. And I am SO glad we did. He's been reporting what he's heard at school and at church, and it seems like our conversations have helped prepare him for those topics. He's done a pretty good job comprehending a lot of it, through the filter of an almost 4 year old. . .

That death is when you're not alive anymore.

That Heaven is a real place where there is no more sad, bad, or mad.

That we can live there someday together with God and Jesus, and

that Jesus came to make that possible. . . all because He loves us SO much.

Today he's been making up "Jesus rose from the grave" songs, and handing out instruments for us to all play while we sing along. It's pretty adorable.

And with his little childlike understanding, it's a great relief to my mama's heart to see that his innocence is still pretty much intact. And now that the conversation has commenced, we can continue it at any given time, building on what we already know.

I guess each stage will be like this. Becoming more complex as the months and years go by. I am realizing how much help we are going to need to be good parents. I need wisdom for how to help my children learn and grow in this often scary world. . . for how to respond to their questions, their testing the boundaries, their need for independence, their insecurities.......

*sigh*.

Thank you, Jesus, for coming so that we could not only have the hope of Heaven, but the wisdom we so desperately need-- both from seeing how you lived, and from the Spirit which you left behind. May we strive to become more childlike as we depend on you, and not ourselves, for help in parenting these precious little lambs. Thank you that I don't have to have it all together or have all the answers to be a good mom. I just need you. And because of Easter, I do.